Sigh! We feel your pain right now, Redskins fans. Yesterday in court, it was revealed that Albert Haynesworth gave what has to be the lamest defense against a sexual abuse charge in the history of sexual abuse charges when he was accused of it back in February. Big Al was brought up on charges after he allegedly swiped a credit card through the cleavage of a waitress but, according to court documents, the incident in question never happened because...well, we'll let your man tell it.

"I didn't touch her," Haynesworth reportedly told a security guard shortly after the alleged incident before adding that he doesn't "even like black girls." Later, during an interview with police, he added: "I know what this is about, she is just upset I have a white girlfriend. I couldn't tell you the last time I dated a black girl. She was trying to get with me." That's his defense, and no matter how fuckin' ridiculous it sounds to you, me, or anyone with one ear and half a brain, he's sticking to it. [via The Big Lead]