In last week's column, our resident race-baiters bickered over Big Ben and Torii Hunter. For today's Race Card square-off, Dark Man X and Whitey Ford argue about a coke-sniffing manager, God's gift to the QB position, a laptop-stealing Duck, the Great Ukrainian Hope...and Eric Frimpong. Let the racial disunity begin!

washingtonr01

ISSUE: Media discovers that Ron Washington tested positive for cocaine last summer. He is not fired. (story)

WHITEY FORD SAYS: Just another quota-filling black man that can't control his wild impulses. And his claim that he only used cocaine once? About as believable as Obama's birth certificate.

DARK MAN X SAYS: The Rangers' ex-owner? Dubya. Current star? Josh Hamilton. WHAT ELSE? (c) Red Cafe

COMPLEX SAYS: Sniffing a line with this dude must be fun as shit.

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tebow

ISSUE: Tim Tebow impresses at Pro Day. NFL invites him to green room for April's draft. (story)

DARK MAN X SAYS: [Laughs.] I'd rank his pro prospects right up there with Charlie Ward.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: The Negro Football League has force-fed us the idea of a super-athletic, running QB for years (see ConVick, Mike), and a legitimate one is finally here...except he's white. White in skin tone, white in character, white in intelligence. So of course they want him to fail. I'll tell you what—some shrewd NFL team is gonna get a stud next month.

COMPLEX SAYS: All we know is we're converting him to RB in Madden 2011.

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Jeremiah-Masoli

ISSUE: Authorities release 9-1-1 call that led to Jeremiah Masoli's arrest. (story)

DARK MAN X: FOH, he Samoan. We ain't claimin' him. Or them, for that matter.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: This is karma: Instead of recruiting all of the outstanding white athletes from the Pacific NW, Oregon goes after ghetto kids and ignorant Islanders from third-world shitholes. And we're supposed to be surprised that these things happen?

COMPLEX SAYS: Can't sugarcoat this one—dude is dumb as fuck.

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wladdy

ISSUE: Wladimir Klitschko defends heavyweight titles against Eddie Chambers in Germany on Saturday. It's available on Internet PPV, but not American TV. (story)

WHITEY FORD SAYS: German, British, Russian, and Polish TV are airing the fight live, but the U.S. rather promote black "student"-athletes jumping around in the NCAA Tournament. I guess the sight of a great white heavyweight pummeling a black guy is a little too incendiary for the Jews that run American networks.

DARK MAN X: Klitschko is a "great" heavyweight? C'mon son. Nobody cares.

COMPLEX SAYS: We don't care how much they try to hype this dude, we're never forgetting this.

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Eric_Frimpong02-08

ISSUE: Eric Frimpong's appeal denied. (story)

DARK MAN X: Unbelievable. Seriously. Just read this. Unbelievable.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: Black guy rapes white girl and goes to jail. Nothing to see here folks.

COMPLEX SAYS: This shit is all kinds of fucked up. No jokes.

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