Stan Van Gundy just learned what it's like to have Shaq rip your balls off and shove them down your throat.
Shaq is back! Yes, Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O'Neal is playing well after struggling through injuries that made him look like a broken down codger. But more importantly, he's regained his shit-talking form. His latest shit storm started brewing during Tuesday night's 111-99 loss to the Magic, when Shaq attempted to draw an offensive foul on Dwight Howard with a highly offensive flop after the Orlando center gave him a light elbow tap. The tomfoolery led Magic coach Stan Van Gundy, who coached Shaq on the Miami Heat, to say that he was shocked by the cheap move and that O'Neal should play like a man.
Never one to let his manhood be challenged, Shaq shot back that his flop reminds "master of panic" Van Gundy of his whole career. This is the press conference version of Shaq power dunking on a rival and hanging on the rim to ensure they get a nice strong whiff of his crotch funk as he teabags them. It's good to have the big man back in full force. Hopefully he keeps it up and is even able to surpass the hilarity of these six classic emasculations...
SHAQ GIVES THE SACRAMENTO KINGS A SEX CHANGE
• Fast forward to 2:14 to see Shaq ending the war of words between his Los Angeles Lakers and the Sacramento Kings by calling them the Sacramento Queens. (Get it? They're either women or Sweet 'N Low!) Personally, we would have made a joke about Sac-town not seeing clearly due to their Arabian goggles.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE SHAQ's TASTY TREAT FOR KOBE
SHAQ SERVES KOBE BRYANT A TASTY TREAT
• After mocking Kobe for not being able to win a ring without him in an impromptu freestyle, Shaq ended their superstar feud with seven simple words that Black Mamba couldn't say anything to: "Kobe, tell me how my ass taste." Bitter, Shaq. Extremely bitter.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE SHAQ OWN CHRIS BOSH
SHAQ PULLS UP CHRIS BOSH'S SKIRT
• After Shaq went off on his Chris Bosh's Raptors for 45 points, the star Toronto forward complained that the refs weren't calling three-second lane violations on the Big Shaq-tus. In response, O'Neal pulled out a rule book and got all intellectual and Shaq-ademic on Bosh's ass, saying, "Those are strong words coming from the RuPaul of big men." Likened to the world's most famous tranny, Bosh then tucked his tail and ran away. At least we think that was his tail.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE SHAQ HANDLE A REPORTER
SHAQ SAYS HE'LL SLURP A REPORTER'S WIFE
• Ask Shaq a stupid question and he'll give you a stupid answer'after he's done attacking your wife's rim.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE SHAQ HURT BILL WALTON'S PRIDE
SHAQ INJURES BILL WALTON'S PRIDE
• After the Heat traded Shaq to the Suns and he said he'd help Phoenix win a title, Walton, the UCLA great and oft-injured NBA champion turned hoops analyst and announcer, tore into him for quitting on his horrendous Miami team, sitting out with questionable injuries. The big man then compared Walton to joke center Greg "Postertag" Ostertag and said he wasn't fit to comment on a star of his caliber. Sadly for Walton, they don't make casts for broken balls.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE SHAQ SON HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER
SHAQ SONS HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER
• On the track "Biological Didn't Bother," off his album Shaq-Fu: Da Return, the Big Diesel credits his stepdad, Philip Arthur Harrison, with raising him and airs his bio-dad out for abandoning him, using drugs and going on Ricky Lake's talk show in a transparent attempt to get back in Shaq's life for a pay day. Pops goes the weasel!