This Sunday night, millions of people will settle into the craters on their couches and watch as the Arizona Cardinals take on the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XLIII (43, for those whose experience with Latin is mostly free porn sites).
To make the game more interesting, fans of the 30 teams already on vacation will make all sorts of bets, from who wins to who scores first and how many penalties are called. While basic football bets are cool, Complex likes to wager outside the lines. Keep reading for the best side bets you can blow your rent money on in just four beer-soaked hours!
John Madden has a little pork stuck in his teeth.
• Even: John Madden's pre-game meal involves two plates of his all-pork take on Turducken: kielbasa wrapped in prosciutto crudo, stuffed in a ham hock and baked in a pan of bacon fat and served with a garnish of chitlins.
• 1 to 5: Madden has a hoagie at halftime because he's starving.
• 10 to 1: Announcers make five pause-worthy comments involving the nickname "Big Ben."
• 100,000 to 1: Larry Fitzgerald Sr, father of the Cardinals' star receiver and a sportswriter for the Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder, mentions the restraining order his son's baby's mother has against Larry Jr in his Super Bowl coverage.
• Even: Omar Epps plays Coach Mike Tomlin in a movie called Steel Resolve if he becomes the second'and youngest'black coach to win a Super Bowl ring.
• 100 to 1: A spunky Cardinals player uses a Terrible Towel as a "dream catcher."
• 5 to 2: Kurt Warner sees (black) Jesus when Ryan Clark gives him a concussion.
• 2 to 1: Bad Super Bowl ads lead to a record number of domestic disturbance calls during the big game.
• Even: One of those ads involves talking animals or babies.
• 60 to 1: Troy Polamalu is named both Super Bowl MVP and the new face of Soul Glo.
• 500 to 1: Clarence Clemons "accidentally" rips off Bruce Springsteen's tearaway pants to reveal a Prince Albert piercing.
• 5 to 2: Matt Leinart doesn't play in the Super Bowl because he gets arrested for drunk driving after playing beer pong all night at a college party.
• 3 to 2: Matt Leinart doesn't play in the Super Bowl because he throws like a girl.
• 1,000 to 1: There will be no beef (other than delicious ribs) between Korean grocers and black customers for as long as half-black/half Korean receiver Hines Ward is on the field.
• 2 to 1: Beef between blacks and Koreans resumes as both sides claim or blame Ward depending upon the game's outcome.
• 1 to 1,000,000,000: A player will credit God and/or Jesus for the win.
• 1,000,000,000 to 1: A player will credit God and/or Jesus for the loss.
• Even: Arizona remains sunny and warm, no matter who wins.
• Even: Pittsburgh remains bitter cold and depressed, no matter who wins.