Best movie quickie of all time? No, we’re not talking about the controversial buttered-butthole sodomy scene that left actress Maria Schneider crying and feeling “a little raped.” (That is: the worst.) But the pop-off that pops off the anonymous, strictly sexual, May-December relationship between middle aged Paul (Marlon Brando) and 20-year-old Jeanne (Schneider) in Bernardo Bertolucci’s 1972 erotic classic Last Tango in Paris has to be in the running for its pretense-less primal lust.
Devastated by his wife’s suicide, Paul acts like an aloof asshole when the strangers meet at a Parisian apartment they’re both scoping out. But suddenly, without so much as a smile or a flirtatious word, he creeps in close with the alpha male dominance and determination of the Booty Warrior. Sweeping Jeanne up by her crotch, he carries her across the room where they tongue each other down, he rips her pantyhose, and they squat-smash raw for a few passionate seconds before collapsing and rolling away from each other.
We’d be mad at the brevity but we’re mid O-face at the thought of the time and money we’d save if we could skip all the small talk and drinks and just get it in with the attractive randos we run into. That’s perfect strangers, for real. —Justin Monroe