HBO's Girls isn't just for hipster twentysomething white women in Brooklyn. It's for everyone—or at least twentysomethings everywhere. (Probably.) Sure, you're not that comfortable naked and you don't hang out in art galleries all the time, nor have you ever eloped with a rich weirdo, so how's that possible? Because it's 2014 and the world is overrun by social media and the fear of missing out is real. And because of Shoshanna Shapiro (played by Zosia Mamet), the show's resident newb. In other words, she's your inner monologue. This is How We Are All Shoshanna Shapiro from Girls.
You're impressed with people who DGAF, something you'd do if you weren't so anxious about FOMO.
In other words, you're painfully self-aware.
You like to think you're experienced, but then when you actually experience something, you realize those episodes of Breaking Bad you watched don't count.
Nor do those episodes of Undressed.
Nor does scrambled porn.
Let's be honest, you were a virgin until college.
And when you were learning to handle your liquor...
...you'd periodically wake up with a hangover and a semester's worth of regret about hijacking the karaoke machine just to make people think you were fun.
In fact, your social anxiety still hasn't gone away, and you won't go to a party unless you've got text confirmation from a close friend that he'll be there, too.
And you have to go out as much as possible. Keeping up appearances is all about making appearances, and you need to make an appearance to have a shot at getting tagged in a Facebook photo to show the lames from your hometown that you're Big City now.
On top of that, you like to show off who you know. They give you a feeling of secondhand self-importance.
When it comes to relationships, you're delusional. Just to quell the fear of being alone forever, you make excuses to keep someone in your life.
Which makes you willfully oblivious.
Hell, you only confront the issue when it gets so bad that you just lose your shit.
It's too much work to get another person accustomed to your weird, private quirks.
And fill yet another person in on your deepest secrets.
All this upkeep is so stressful that it's made you miserable and resentful of everyone and everything.
Even though the truth is you're not completely miserable at all. You still look great. You're still in great health. You've still got decent people in your life. And you still can read posts like this on your fancy laptop or smart phone.
Written by Tara Aquino (@t_akino)
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