Voting—it doesn't get quite as much shine when a new president isn't on the line, does it? But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be exercising your right. Local officials have a hand in a bevy of issues that affect your day-to-day, from mass transit (shout out to the MTA for absolutely fucking nothing) and health insurance costs, to the availability of affordable housing. In short, get thee to a polling place, and vote for your local mayor, comptroller, public advocate, and any/all other city and town council members whose fates are TBD.

If you don't, and you spend two hours waiting to take a 15-minute subway ride to work, whoever's name you affix to a string of colorful expletives will be decided by others. You owe it to yourself to choose the future official you will call an incompotent asshole.

STEP ONE: Take a selfie of yourself with the sign at your polling place that says "Vote Here." Because it didn't happen if you don't Instagram it, obviously.

Holy fuck, democracy looks so good on you.


STEP TWO: Wait in an insanely long line, and lament about the lack of coffee and/or donuts being served.

What kind of polling place is this?!


STEP 3: Compose a quasi-philosophical tweet about why voting is important is you. Realize you sound vaguely superior but, whatever, did you wake up at 6 a.m. to wait on line, Twitter?

At 6a.m. With no donuts in sight, did we mention?


STEP 4: Take a picture of yourself flossing with your ballot. Just kidding. You know this illegal in some states, and could void your vote, right?

STEP 5: Get into the booth, and marvel at the many colored levers.


STEP 6: Realize you're only informed on roughly 2/3 of the candiates. Vote along party lines for the rest and pray they're doing God's work.


STEP 7: Put the lever down with a flourish. 

Did you just squeal out loud?! (Yes, yes you did).


STEP 8 (Optional): If you live in NYC, walk out of your polling place and pour some out for the former boss we lost.

OK, OK...we'll stop. We'll mostly just miss El Bloombito, anyway.