I could explain what Machete Kills is about right now by launching into some long-winded explanation about how it's the sequel to 2010's Machete, and that it stars the guy whose head was on a turtle in Breaking Bad (Danny Trejo) as a former Mexican policeman turned spy named Machete who is working for President Charlie Sheen to take down a major criminal organization run by Mel Gibson, and also the girl from Spy Kids (Alexa Vega), Sofia Vergara, Amber Heard, and Lady Gaga are there too—but I won't, because this redband trailer (read: NSFW) explains it even better than I ever could.
Featuring Machete himself, in addition to President Charlie Sheen, Heard as a deadly beauty queen, and Vergara wearing some sort of device that allows her to shoot bullets from her bra and crotch, and some guy that gets ripped apart by a helicopter mid-air. That's pretty much all you need to know about this movie.
Machete Kills premieres this week at Austin’s Fantastic Fest, and will be released nationwide on October 11. You can check out the redband trailer above.