Running with scissors is Mayor Bloomberg’s ultimate pet peeve. But, due to hypothetically expected revenue loss from the New York marathon, the Mayor was unable to declare an outright ban on running. Instead, he will ban scissors.

He will not leave us empty-handed. Instead, he'll be replacing all confiscated scissors with those plastic safety scissors we all used in Kindergarten. They don’t cut very well, but, well, that’s the point. Or the dull tip, whatever.

As a psychological measure, Bloomberg will also outlaw using the scissors move in Rock-Paper-Scissors. Upon further considering the dangers of blunt objects, the Mayor will also decided to disallow close-fisted rocks, leaving the game simply, Paper. 

Then again, papercuts are just as dangerous as being sliced by scissors...