There are two types of cabbies in this world: those who will take advantage of you when you're wasted, and those who will want nothing to do with you. Either way, it's best to avoid drinking and hailing whenever you can.

The smart drivers will pick up on your condition right away and turn you down as you press your face against their passenger window and ask repeatedly if they're "open." The rest will jack the meter by taking scenic routes and, if you're dumb enough to fall asleep in the back of their cab, just start circling the airport like the bus from Speed.

Projectile vomit may seem like an innovative way to grab a cabbie's attention, but the only drivers okay with pulling up into a puddle of your own sick are the drivers you don't want taking you home at night.