What Your Son Will Say: Did that stuff really fool you, Dad? (You: No, son, we fooled ourselves.)
What We Say: We love how the new culture of "health consciousness" has led every fast food joint to put words like "bistro" on certain portions of their menus. Not to mention, they're now finding ways to place moist tomatoes and lettuce leaves on all their billboards behind the burgers. As David Spade's character was told in the 2001 comedy Joe Dirt, "Don't try to church it up, Dirt."

Fast food companies of America, we know what we're doing when we eat your food. We're well aware that we're poisoning our body. You assuring us that the cheese is fresh from Wisconsin or that the roll is of the artisan variety doesn't change anything.