Listen, the less you know about how your food is prepared, the better. Trust us. Stop asking your server dumb questions. They couldn't care less about your altruism. They make, like, $4 an hour. You're not charming anyone.

You might feel better knowing that your entree was a "humanely raised, certified organic, grass fed, free roamer." But, ultimately, that cow was Tased in the face and bled to death upside down so that you could try the dry-aged burger on an Orwasher's bun at, say, the Dutch. Stop acting so concerned. And If you're going to put your server through the trauma of explaining everything, tip generously. A 25 percent tip is the only thing that can save you.