It’s after Labor Day, which means goodbye to white shoes and hello to the high gear for campaign season. As we turn our attention from last week's Republican National Convention, and much-ridiculed speeches from VP nominee Paul Ryan and presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, to the Democratic National Convention this week, it is prime time for candidates on both sides of the aisle to start making campaign promises they have no intention of fulfilling.
Most of these will be garden variety pandering: No new taxes, 12 million new jobs, that kind of thing. But some will be truly crazy, outlandish, or bizarre, and in their lunacy will illustrate just how silly this whole process of ours can be sometimes. So it is in honor of these latter that we present the 15 craziest politician campaign promises in American politics.
Written by Adam Martin (@ghostofkelor)
15. Dennis Kucinich promises to arrest George W. Bush
14. Joe Biden promises Barack Obama has a big stick
13. Barack Obama promises not to call Mitt Romney weird
12. Michael Dukakis promises to oppose the death penalty for his wife’s imaginary killer
11. Teddy Roosevelt promises not to run next time
10. Sarah Palin promises she will be more rogue
9. Rick Santorum promises to ban hard-core pornography
8. Vermin Supreme promises ponies for everyone
7. Andy Caffrey promises to smoke a joint on the steps of the US Capitol
6. Herman Cain promises to veto any bill longer than three pages
5. Warren G. Harding promises a “return to normalcy”
4. Hunter S. Thompson promises to sod the streets of Aspen
3. Herbert Hoover promises a chicken in every pot (and a car in every garage)
Most frequently attributed to Herbert Hoover’s 1928 campaign, this promise actually came from the Republican National Committee, which ran it in newspaper advertisements and circulars while Hoover was running on a platform of prosperity. It’s not a bad image (Republican Party historian George Mayer traced it back to Henry IV in 17th century France), and these days we don’t even question it as a symbol for prosperity.
But think about it a second. A chicken in every pot. Taken literally, you start to imagine an old-timey truck with USDA plates driving slowly up the block, guys hanging off the back trash-man style to dash chickens up to every door, still squawking and flapping for some reason. Gross. And SO crazy.