Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.
Growing up, I was always told by voices of reason that there was no such thing as “turning a hoe into a housewife,” but it’s amazing how many dudes are willing to put their pride and ego aside in hopes of rescuing the ideal woman. This sort of thing happens to ladies all the time—we come across a guy with an insatiable sexual appetite and mysterious persona and suddenly want to be the one to change him. Sadly, all girls in said circumstance have realized the hard way: you can’t change someone set in their ways. The same thing happens to men when they spot that prized female with the extensive track record and try to throw limitations on her. Cuffing doesn’t exist in the world of Captain Save-a-Hoe’s. If you’ve been guilty of falling for these types or know someone in a similar situation, here are a few reasons why men are constantly on the prowl for the promiscuous...
YOU LISTEN TO TOO MUCH DRAKE
Life isn’t a fucking song on the Take Care album. Aubrey might have some of you dudes fooled into thinking that exclusivity with an in-demand dime is possible, but that doesn’t mean you can trick that broad into feeling the same way. Hot women aren’t oblivious to their appearance—they know they look good and that guys want them, so seeing all of the different offers come along is like a fun waiting game. The majority of decent girls will go for whichever dude seems the sweetest or most genuine, but there’s definitely a select few out there just waiting for an opportunity to prey and hustle on your ass. Some guys might actually convince these chicks to put their wild ways aside and temporarily settle for simpler lives spent decorating the house or going on couples dates, but we know how that tends to turn out. It’s the story of Sam Rothstein and Ginger in a nutshell.
INSECURITY IS A MOTHERFUCKER
If you’re searching for someone you can “save,” then you’re in need of some salvation yourself. One huge reason to seek out someone “flawed” or with a crazy past is so you can feel superior to them and mask your own issues with theirs. We usually hope to find people that bring us positivity and enrich us, so looking to rescue a girl with tons of emotional baggage means there’s something wrong with you. It’s like coming to the aid of a wounded animal and then keeping it captive in return. Guys act like they’re helping the girl out, encouraging her to divulge her secrets and demons only to reproach her for it in the end. Once they gain trust and have her fully wifed up, they can easily hold those insecurities against her, bringing up all that past shit that they know hurts her the most. It’s a way of gaining total mental control over a woman, and that’s how toxic ass love stories are formed. One person holds all the power so that every time the other wants to leave, they’re made to feel worthless on their own. So while I don’t doubt that legit romances can form between two individuals in such a situation, it’s definitely impossible to be equals in a relationship where someone considers them self to be your savior.
NO CUFFING IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM
Guys that think they can land a stripper evoke laughs of pity from me, not even because there’s a million other women to choose from who don’t strip for money, but simply because they actually think these girls want to be with them. The only guys that a stripper is seriously fucking with are rappers and other high-profile type dudes, not some desperate ass John who spends every one of his paychecks in the champagne room. Sure, she might let you drive her home and buy her expensive shit, maybe even hit it if you’re lucky, but none of that is going down without financial reciprocation anyway, so what’s the point? It seems impossible for such fools to roam this earth, but I legitimately knew a kid so whipped by a dancer that he started buying her flowers on the daily, and then tried convincing her to quit and come stay with him. He claimed that she was “different and listened,” but no shit dude, of course she’s listening when your wallet bulge is bigger than your boner. Unless you like the thrill of getting played and having all your money taken, leave these ladies to the professionals.
YOU'RE ASSERTING THE ALPHA MALE STRUCTURE
Some men are all about showing power through the display of exclusive shit: fancy clothes, flashy gadgets, and unattainable women. Like a hunter, they’ll find the chick that every dude at the club wants just to be able to say that she’s off the market, but any relationship based on appearances is bogus. These types of guys entice chicks with the allure of materialistic shit and someone to confide in, and then bring them out to parties and events where they’re shown off like prized little status boosters. They don’t call ‘em Trophy Wives for nothing. Initially, it seems like a win/win because the dude is happy that he gets to flex and show his chick off while she gets her little ego trip from being put on display, but that’s only fun for so long. Eventually, homegirl is going to get bored with the bullshit and find a new guy to roll with. That’s just how the game works.
At the end of the day, it’s not going to work if you’re out there trying to bag girls for all the wrong reasons. There will always be an abundance of men who honestly find females with colorful pasts endearing and charming, and thank God! No woman is perfect. We’ve all got issues with former flings and lovers, and it’s nice to know that some guys out there won’t judge us for it. Just realize that within the realm of promiscuity there are many extremes, so while I encourage you to go for it and find that sexually experienced woman of your dreams, there’s a huge difference between a free-spirited gal and a straight skank. I know men love a challenge, but certain women can’t be tamed and aren’t worth all the effort, so don’t beat yourself up if your good intentions don’t work out in the end.