We must say, as bad as it sounds, this week's episode, "Meatball Mashup," was a major improvement over the last few weeks, mainly because we were reminded just how much of a hot mess Snooki can be when she's drunk. The show seemed to get back to its roots a bit, and while we definitely want everyone to be responsible and healthy and all that shit, it's just not good reality TV unless hardly anyone is sober. And here's why.
Written by Tanya Ghahremani (@tanyaghahremani)
OK, Maybe Snooki And Jionni Aren't The New Ronnie And Sammi.
We're pretty happy that Ron and Sam are cutting down on the drama (not to jinx it), but it seems like in the absence of that, there's a ton of new Snooki and Jionni drama. Luckily, it also seems like the two know when to calm down, unlike their Jersey Shore counterparts.
When we left Snooks last week, she'd just fought with Jionni about nothing and was being chided by her roomies, who were convinced that he wasn't treating her right. This week picks up exactly where we left off, with Snooki, Ronnie, and Jenni heading off to their fake jobs at the pizzeria while Snooki pouts in annoyance at Jenni's concerns with her relationship.
Snooki talks to Jionni later and they fight again, this time over the fact that her roommates are getting involved in their relationship. Jionni tells her that he's not going to visit her in Italy and Snooki merely hangs up the phone so she can pack for her upcoming trip to Riccione—unlike Sammi or Ron, either of which would turn it into the next world war. While some relationship drama is good in reality shows like this one, we've got to applaud the fact that it's in no way taking over the show like Ron and Sam's did, because we literally just got past that storyline and don't need a rehash of it with different characters. If we wanted contrived, over-the-top relationship drama, we'd watch The CW.
Italian Beaches Aren't Like Jersey Beaches. Go Figure.
But Snooki and Deena certainly act like they are.
Upon a few hours of arriving in Riccione, a popular beach vacationing spot in Italy, Snooks and Deena hit the bottle—of whatever alcohol is available, that is—while Jenni and Sam keep their drinking to a relative minimum like responsible people would; as responsible as you can get on this show, anyway. Snooki and Deena bounce around the place, quite literally, while Jenni and Sammi look on in what can only be a mixture of horror and morbid curiosity before they finally grow fed up with the self-professed "meatballs" antics and ditch them in favor of heading back to the hotel room. While Snooks and Deena are momentarily confused about why (and when) they'd been abandoned by their friends, they soon hear the sounds of house music in the distance and, like Pavlov's dog with the bell so many years ago, immediately run in its direction.
They begin dancing on a relatively empty dance floor (may we add, this is in broad daylight) until the guys spot them and head on over. They're informed that dinner is at nine o'clock, so they should probably head back to the hotel and change, but, after asking what time it is (it's only 7:40), Deena determines they have plenty of time and continues dancing with Snooks. Meanwhile, the guys head over to a table nearby probably to watch their antics with the same amount of morid curiosity Jenni and Sammi had earlier, only this time they get to see Snooki run headfirst into a bush (foreshadowing, perhaps?) and Deena quite literally dance her bikini bottoms off. To the floor.
The guys end up leaving after laughing their asses off, and everyone meets for dinner later at a pretty classy Italian restaurant—Deena and Snooki, unsurprisingly, are nowhere to be found. It isn't until dinner ends that they show up, still shit-faced, and proceed to make everyone wait around while they eat before everyone can head to the club.
After dinner, Snooks, Deena, and the rest of the group, all of whom are now completely irate with the duo, go to the club. Everyone seems to be having fun until Deena begins dancing in a manner that gives a free show to everyone around her because, as Jenni proclaims horrifically, she's not wearing underwear. Deena is too drunk to care, even when Jenni and Sammi try to inform her of this fact, and she just goes on doing her thing while Italian guys all around them gawk at her.
Snooki And Deena Hooked Up. A Lot.
Deena said it herself a few episodes ago when she made out with a girl that Mike was trying to pick up: "When you're drunk, sometimes you kiss girls." Clearly she really believes in that little philosophy, because it isn't long before a completely drunk Deena begins bumping and grinding and full-on making out with an equally intoxicated Snooki.
The rest of the roommates are baffled and, once more, probably consumed by some morbid curiosity as they watch the two go at it in the middle of the club. The impromptu make-out session continues in the cab ride back to the hotel, right next to a completely uncomfortable Sammi and Jenni who are trying so hard not to look that it's probably straining their necks not to turn them.
Snooki and Deena are still tongue-wrestling when they get back to the hotel, and it isn't really too clear what exactly happens (though Jenni and Sammi provide play-by-play recaps to the two girls the next day that make it seem like, well...this is what we meant earlier by the foreshadowing).
Snooki isn't really worried that her "friendliness" with Deena will translate into more problems for her and Jionni, though everyone else seems to agree that it's still cheating, no matter that it was with another girl. With an oddly placed comment by Sitch to the camera—"If she was my girlfriend, I'd leave her"—everyone is pretty curious to see if Jionni is going to flip his shit or just request video footage of her and Deena going at it.
It turns out, after a lot of heavy breathing that we get to hear when Snooks is on the phone with him, Jionni is cool with what happened. Snooks hangs up the phone smugly while everyone else, who'd gathered around nearby to watch her break the news to Jionni, is slightly confused but surely relieved that they won't have to deal with more relationship drama in the house. Crisis averted!
Also, Snooki Crashed Into A Cop Car.
But we already knew that from the, say, 100 promos MTV has aired about the scene. Here's what actually happens: Deena and Snooki try to reclaim some sense of normalcy in their lives after learning about their physical connection by heading to the gym. Snooki, who can drive stick-shift, takes the wheel. Innocent enough, no?
Nope. Not at all. In the midst of bemoaning about how driving on Italian streets is "ten times" worse than driving in NYC, she ends up colliding with a police car. The officers come to her window and request her ID, which she does not have, and Deena has to call Vinny and the guys to get them to rush it over to the site of the accident as Snooks is asked to take a breathalizer test, because clearly the cops have seen Jersey Shore before and know what's up. Vinny and the others begin freaking out; as Vinny says, if Snooki is put in jail, they could be kicked out of Italy. So they hurry to get Snooki's ID to her. An ambulance arrives and takes one of the cops out of the car that was hit on a stretcher, wearing a neck brace and all.
Vinny and the others don't end up getting there until after a sobbing Snooki and Deena are forced to get into the back of another squad car and hauled off to the police station. And, with that ominous ending, one of the season's better episodes concludes.
Best Quotes Of The Episode
"We're hard working citizens..." "Hard working?" - Snooki and her boss at the Pizzeria
"Why do we have toy cars?" - Snooki, upon seeing the rental FIAT cars
"It's like the border of a continent...you know, so it's like, by an ocean?" - Snooki tries geography again
"It's only Jersey girls that can dance so hard their underwear comes off. Who the hell does this?" - Deena, questioning her life
"They were literally making out the whole ride home, when we got home they were still making out, I felt like I was watching a porn for 20 hours." - Sammi, exhibiting her annoyance with Snooki and Deena
Written by Tanya Ghahremani (@tanyaghahremani)