15 Clutch Vacation Destinations for Single Guys
Take yourself on the vacation of a lifetime. No whiny girlfriend needed.
Image via Complex Original
Luxury vacations aren't just for the ladies. Bros on the go need some self-love, too. Or a balls-to-the-wall bachelor party vacation that will last them for the rest of their married lives. While shopping in Paris or reading Jane Austen in England might earn you some points with your lady, most dudes go for things like boobs, beers and breaking bones. In Scottsdale, you can learn how to shoot a machine gun. In San Juan, you can have a private cigar and tequila tasting. In Brazil, well, you can scour the beaches for party girls. In Las Vegas, well, you can do whatever you want thanks to that age old rule that your future wife will try to break. YOLO before you go too old, yo.
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London, England
Dude it attracts: The Dapper Daddy
Most clutch feature: The history
It’s groovy, baby. London might seem stodgy to uneducated outsiders, but the international hub has a history of being a swinging city, full of sexually-liberated mods and provocative punk rockers. The rich amalgamation of culture, history, decadence, refinement, and totally legal outdoor day drinking, makes London the perfect place for someone with a reputation they need to uphold (like a single dad) to go pretend they are checking out museums.
In reality, dudes can hit up some of the best nightclubs in the world like Ministry of Sound, which brings huge EDM names like Paul Oakenfeld and is a noted pick-up ground. British women might not be the best looking, but many different nationalities work and play in London. Besides, for a week-long romp, who needs a pretty face? The girls in England love to party, and if you’re not looking for a wife, no one will ever know she was a just a four.
Not into the nightclub scene? There’s lots of classy things you can do. Brown’s Hotel offers whisky tastings, a foodie adventure at Fat Duck and a members-only gaming club. Pony up to your pint, bring a smoking jacket, watch some footie and don’t forget your manners.
Montreal, Canada
Dude it attracts: The Strip Club Sleaze
Most clutch feature: Cheap lapdances
Montreal is one of the sexiest cities in the world, based on geographical gorgeousness and hot French accents alone. The city is like a more liberated, laid-back Paris and the women are accordingly hot. But one of the best things to note for the single guy is that Montreal has some of the dopest strip clubs for dudes who are not just trying to get a lazy hard-on, but a full-blown grope on. Instead of taking your stag party to Vegas or New Orleans, where rules are rules even if people break them, take it to Montreal, where touching a titty or two is totally legal.
In Montreal, there are two kinds of lap dances: full-contact and no-contact. The average price is $10 per song in a private booth, which is totally unheard of by American standards. That kind of action would run about $100. If you’re a younger single dude, you won’t be left out. Both the strip club age and the drinking age is only 18-years-old. That and Montreal has the most amazing drunk dude food ever: Poutine. It’s French fries with cheese curds and it’s amazing. Poutine and pooty tang. Who needs anything more?
Miami, Florida
Dude it attracts: The Hip-Hop Hotshot
Most clutch feature: Boat life
Have a wad of cash to blow and a penchant for the seedy disguised as the sun-soaked glam of South Beach? Take a cue from the Biebs and go to Miami, where the girls are plastic, having a boat will get you laid 500% of the time, and the strip clubs are packed with hip-hop stars.
Seriously, the strip clubs in Miami were made for dudes who like their girls as thick as their bankroll. Tootsie’s is like an ass emporium, The Office has a great underground hip-hop scene, King of Diamonds has a mechanical bull which lots of celebs love to blow their monetary load on, and Coco’s Nightclub has some of the ripest flesh in town. Less about flesh and more about flash? Bottle service at one of Miami’s many infamous nightclubs will get you a cutie in a skin-tight dress.
Get lost in a maze of dancing bodies at Story, chill with Lil Wayne at LIV, or get baked with babes in bikinis at Nikki’s Beach. Rent a boat and take the girls you met on a cruise around Star Island and see if you can figure out which over-sized mansion is Diddy’s house.
Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
Dude it attracts: The Tropical Tourist
Most clutch feature: Beaches and babes
There’s a reason the girl from Ipanema became so famous. The women in Rio are luscious and, even if you aren’t looking to hook up, there’s tons of eye candy peppering the sprawling beaches of Brazil. Most of them in various states of undress. Carnivale can bring swarms of beauties, but the vibe can get kind of seedy if you aren’t careful.
If a luxurious bachelor party is your thing, take your team to a place like the Fasano Hotel that has gorgeous pools overlooking the beaches. The Fasano also has the Baretto-Londra, which is considered to be the “best hotel bar in the world.” But in Brazil, the rule is to walk around the beaches and mingle with the locals until someone (and they will, trust me) invites you to a party.
If you get dissed for something minor like not knowing Portuguese, you and your boys can hit up funk dance clubs like Rei do Bacalhau and Ilha dos Pescadores.
Portland, Oregon
Dude it attracts: The Horny Hippie
Most clutch feature: Bikini baristas
The dream of the ‘90s is alive in Portland. If you thought that the au natural, grunge girl, baby doll dress, vegan crunchiness of the ‘90s was hot, than Portland is the place for the single dude who likes to rock flannel, talk about politics with someone with an IQ higher than 104 and get down to some old-school Pearl Jam.
Portland’s nightlife was made for the arrested development of the now 30-something dude. First of all, you can get your daily brew from huts throughout the city with girls dressed in bikinis. Twin Perks and Dream Girl Espresso are just two places in the town that will perk you up in more ways than one. If you aren’t into girls that wear leather g-strings and want to try out some tasty trucker vegan fare, hit up one of Portland’s many strip clubs, such as Casa Diablo.
If you’re a Beervana bro, maybe you want to wash down microbrews from places like Bridgeport Brew and Mactarnahan’s Tap Room with something more substantial like a Bacon Maple Donut Bar from Voodoo Donuts. Burn off calories by getting a lapdance at Lucky Devil’s Lounge or playing pool at Uptown Billiard’s Club.
Sosua, Dominican Republic
Dude it attracts: The "Single-And-Looking" Bachelor
Most clutch feature: The plethora of single women
If you’re idea of a vacation is an all-inclusive erotic fantasyland full of lush beaches and scantily-clad women that are paid to attend to your every whim, Sosua has lots of erotic resorts and a hardcore singles scene dominated by Dominican women looking for single men to take them out. Many hotels in Sosua, like the Hotel El Colibri, cater to single men because its central to the party areas.
Another great spot is the Hotel Casa Valeria that has a bar underneath where you can pick up chicks. This all might sound incredibly boring, but an anthropologist named Denise Brennan did a study on the singles scene in Sosua and called it a “sexscape.” At night, the sleepy beach town with crystalline blue waters is perfect for kite-surfing and languid swimming.
San Juan, Puerto Rico
Dude it attracts: The Chill Connoisseur
Most clutch feature: Private cigar tasting
Love your women brown, bubbly, full of rum, and willing to cut the tip of your cigar? Puerto Rico is an undercover gem when it comes to servicing the pleasures of the single man. Parties go until sunrise in San Juan. Club Kronos is near the Plaza del Mercado and infuses a lively outdoor dining and dancing experience with a naughty nightclub environment indoors. San Juan’s most star-studded dance club is the La Brava, which is attached to the El San Juan Hotel and Casino.
For a grand a night, you can go on the ultimate dudeventure with the “End of Man” package. Meant for bachelor’s about to get married and meet their doom, single dudes can take advantage of this pricey, but private experience.
The package includes a private cigar rolling class, a private Tequila tasting, and a private casino host. After so much high-end privacy and a few nights of drinking and dancing in the sun, hopefully those aren’t the only private things that will be happening.
Ibiza, Spain
Dude it attracts: The Dance Music Dude
Most clutch feature: Epic electronic night clubs
Euros are always way better at partying than Americans, and the kids in Ibiza do it right. The go-to hedonism destination for those into beaches full of babes and dance floors full of drunken hotties, Ibiza is situated in the Mediterranean Sea, about 49 miles off the coast of Valencia.
Some of the best electronic music dance clubs in the world are in Ibiza like Space Ibiza (which has been nominated—and won—Best Club In The World a number of times), house music club Pacha which was rated third best club by DJ Magazine in 2012, and Privilege, which is the world’s largest nightclub according to the Guinness Book of World Records and once hosted notables like Freddie Mercury and Grace Jones.
The party never stops, even if you aren’t at the club. Radio stations like Ibiza Global Radio ring through the cars of Ibiza tourists and trendy hotels like Ushuaia Beach Hotel have topless girls chilling by the pool at all hours.
Munich, Germany
Dude it attracts: The Lager Lover
Most clutch feature: Oktoberfest
Munich might not seem like the place that single men go to party, but sixteen days out of the year from September to October, the city becomes awash with beer-soaked festivities for the world famous Oktoberfest or Weisn. Beer wenches bring out millions and millions of gallons of golden Oktoberfestbiers from six Munuch breweries to drunken revelers.
This is accompanied by manly, meaty foods from a virtual village of old-school Germanic tents like Able’s Kalbs-Kuchl which serves “all-veal,” the Stifl-tent for roast chicken or Hendl, the Fischer-vroni for stuff like Steckerlfisch (grilled fish on a stick), or just about anywhere for Weisswurst or Bratwurst. After “quiet Oktoberfest” is over at 6pm, all bets are off and hopefully so are the Lederhosen. The younger crowds wobble up to the Hofbräu-Festzelt, which is the largest beer tent on the grounds.
If you’re looking to hit on some single ladies, there’s ancient rules about Dirndl bow tying that make hooking up way easier. Tied to left? Single and ready to mingle. Tied to the right? All bets are off, but who knows after a steady beer buzz what might happen.
Bangkok, Thailand
Dude it attracts: The Egotistical Experimenter
Most clutch feature: The cheap prices
You’re not going to get expansive white beaches in Bangkok, but you will get cheap and perpetual drunken buzz from all the karaoke cafes, bars, and houses of ill repute that line the streets. Here’s the thing about Thailand: everything is illegal. But everything raunchy and hedonistic is also completely fair game in Bangkok as well.
The government turns a blind-eye to things like gambling and happy-ending massages. The prices are cheap, and men from around the world flock to Bangkok to get their taste of some lewd teenage wet dream stuff. Recent cultural reference point: The Hangover Part II.
If you want to reenact that movie, you can stay in Lebua’s Hangover Suite which includes a fully-stocked bar and dude distractions such as Foosball and ping-pong. If you want to hit up some other places from the movie, there’s the White Lion Bar or the Cactus Bar.
If you go to Bangkok, good luck explaining what you actually did there to your future ex-wife. Unless she’s cool with your sordid past and, in that case, she’s a keeper.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Dude it attracts: The Golf Bro
Most clutch feature: The PGA-approved golf course
With all the cougar action going down on the golf courses of Scottsdale, you can give a whole new definition to a back door put. Juxtaposed with arid landscapes, Scottsdale putting greens are vibrant playgrounds for both rich dudes and those looking to drink beers and flip golf carts on the back nine. You can play on a PGA-approved golf course at the Tournament Players Club, do back-to-back 18 hole courses at the gorgeous Grayhawk Golf Club, or enjoy the luxury of the Four Seasons and its adjacent Troon North Golf Course.
After a long day on the course, it’s finally time to let the big dog eat and rest up for a completely different kind of masculine showdown the next day. At the Copper Wynd Resort, they offer things like a half-day Hummer tour, horseback riding through the desert, through the canyons or they can teach you how to herd cows at a ranch. If all goes as planned, you can turn your newly-formed cowboy skills into some wild reverse cowgirl after a drunken dude ranch bonfire sing-a-long.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Dude it attracts: The Power Player
Most clutch feature: The luxury
Viva Las Naked. Las Vegas might be played out and touristy for some, but there’s no better playground for sin than the city that boasts the infamous, albeit cliché nickname like “City of Sin.” Cruise the streets in Las Vegas and you’ve got people basically handing you free admission to some of the hottest strip clubs in town like Club Paradise, Spearmint Rhino, and Crazy Horse. There’s showgirl dances, a Coyote Ugly-style bar called Hogs and Heifers downtown, fancy steak dinners everywhere (like Gordan Ramsay’s Steak which serves Wagyu with a nine or higher marbling score) and luxury suites that Lady Luck would surely love to grace.
One of those is the “Five Diamond Package” at the MGM, which includes a Maybach 62 picking up you and your homies from the airport, six VIP tickets to Cirque du Soleil, two fancy dinners including one from the people at Craftsteak and a 16-course meal at Joel Rubuchon that includes $2,000 towards drinks. You also get bottle service at Tabu so you can get super wasted before crashing out in your three-bedroom loft that includes a personalized butler.
Have your eye on someone perfect?. Ditch your boys and take them to the perfectly-titled Provocateur Suite at the Hard Rock Hotel. The hotel includes two master suites with mirror ceilings for wild sex on the giant beds that are like the size of three queen beds. A projector video wall has scandalous images emblazoned across, moving sexily, and a room with a plethora of sex toys waiting for a super cool kinkster to put them to good use.
Cancun, Mexico
Dude it attracts: The Party Animal Perv
Most clutch feature: Erotic resorts
Spring break forever. If you’re using your company-encouraged meditation courses to manifest a life reminiscent of Anne Rice’s Exit To Eden (or a Bang Bros. set), hit up Cancun. Surrounded by crystal clear Caribbean waters and ancient Aztec ruins, single dudes can hit up sex, errr, “adult” hotels that are peppered all throughout Cancun.
There’s Temptation Island, which includes 384-rooms of pure sex, although that could also translate to the topless optional beaches, swim up bar in three giant swimming pools, Jacuzzi suites for holing up with that mamacita you fondled sweetly during the “sensual entertainment.” There’s also the “naturally sensual “ Desire Resort in the Mayan Riviera that has erotic workshops like Tantra and erotic couples massage and the “au natural” Hidden Beach Resort.
Hidden Beach Resort is an all-inclusive nudist resort that caters to both couples and singles and is perfect for a raunchy single dude to appreciate the quirks and curves of the female form. Just don’t be too much of a creep and keep the camera at home. This trip is one for the imagination. And, if you’re lucky, a few steamy nights in a beach-side hammock.
Pamplona, Spain
Dude it attracts: The Randy Retro Intellectual
Most clutch feature: Running with the bulls
The beard-stroking literati dude can max out on his uber-intellectual cred by mimicking the life of manly man hero, Ernest Hemingway. A journalist who always had the foxiest swingers swinging their pearls at him, Hemingway was really into doing dude things and one of his favorite’s was bull fighting a la The Sun Also Rises.
Screw that weak Tough Mudder; there’s no place better to gather with your guy friends and try not to get mauled by a 460kg heaving beast than Pamplona for the Fiesta de San Fermin. Wander the cobbled streets where Hemingway wined, dined, and good time’d the Spanish ladies in his nine trips to the city. Stay at the Hotel Quintana, which was what the novel’s Hotel Montoya was based off of and grab a drink at the Cerveceria Tropicana, Bar Txoko, Café Iruna, or Bar Torino to reenact Hemingway’s most drunken moments.
After clean off the red wine sweat and blood from your frenzied run in Mid-July down medieval roads, cool off at the beaches in San Sebastian and watch tantalizing tourists get topless next to sun-drenched azure waters while you eat cured Iberian ham. What’s more manly than pork before porking?
Vail, Colorado
Dude it attracts: The Haute Hunter
Most clutch feature: Machine gun package
Far from the debauchery and titty parades of most bachelor Babylons, Vail is an almost-quaint Colorado snow bunny paradise that serves up big ski drifts and some luxurious uber-masculine treats that will have your testosterone-flooded muscles lumberjacking and smacking some flannel-covered lady parts in no time.
At the Four Seasons, you can soak up some suds with the Brew and Renew package. Whether a la carte or all together, you can get an Amber Ale Foot Soak made from the Crazy Mountain Brewery’s Amber Ale batch and crushed barley and malt foot scrub. You can get an all-natural Black Ale Wrap with a midnight dark beer called Cara De Luna that is frothed into a honey base and then massaged into the hair if you don’t get their Stout Scalp Treatment.
For a completely different form of manly relaxation, down the road at The Sebastian, there’s the Machine Guns and Roses package which includes a “Machine Gun Tour.” This tour includes a helicopter gunship ride, lessons on hardcore weapons, and “extra ammunition” for the “happy trigger finger.” Showing off your guns also includes two nights stay at the luxurious Sebastian, so dudes can warm up with some whiskey and a local honey with some firing range hot tub action.