The Worst Dressed Athletes of All Time

They're paid a shitload of money, are heroes to millions, and are perched atop the world as veritable kings. And yet, despite all this, there are so many athletes that simply cannot dress well. In fact, their style is horrible. We get that, between grueling seasons, maintaining a super-human physique, and dealing with the terrible shit that accompanies fame, their sartorial appearance may not be a top priority. However, the worst cases are when athletes are really trying to come off as stylish and fail.

The world's top athletes aren't used to failure, but it's time they get called out. No matter what sport they've mastered, their style game is still at novice levels. It may take some discipline, training, and maybe 1% of their annual contract to improve their game. Until then, these guys are The Worst Dressed Athletes of All Time.

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Sport: Basketball

Signature look: Suits and cozyboy wear baggy enough to fit up to three Allen Iversons at once.

We definitely respect the very G move of single-handedly forcing the NBA to implement a dress code, but AI definitely did not have the answer when it came to style.

Sport: Football

Signature look: A 'roided-up 1980s-era Brigitte Nielsen who spends his summers as a Skid Row roadie.

Like "The Boz" himself, this outrageous manner of dressing will forever be associated with the glorious '80s. Unfortunately, his style hasn't improved with time.

Sport: Baseball

Signature look: A thumb that loves to party.

This dude loved to party, and perpetually looked like he was getting turnt at Club Med. When he threw on a suit for his TBS gig, things never really improved. However, dude was a king in 1992.

Sport: Basketball

Signature look: Just arrived from an 8-hour journey on the Chinatown bus.

His style may have been wack, but 'Sheed knew how to accessorize. His accoutrement included a title belt, bag of dirty laundry, and a leg cast that was almost more stylish than his square-toed shoes.

Sport: Golf

Signature Look: An early 20th-century clam digger.

It may have been awful, but at least it was a signature look.

Sport: Baseball

Signature look: Hyper-aggressive dad shouting out business deals on the phone on the sidelines of his childrens' little league game.

As the saga of post-retirement Curt Schilling gets sadder and sadder, his style has followed suit.

Sport: Football

Signature look: Guy who partied hard in his youth, and still does coke with college students.

Bald head, hoop earring, and bad style? Who does Jim McMahon think he is, the white MJ?

Sport: Boxing

Signature look: Dominates the VIP section at Pacha.

We didn't think anyone set Italian-Americans back any more than The Situation, but looks like we have a winner.

Sport: Golf

Signature look: Your drunk uncle.

To all the haughty WASPs who still think golf is a civilized game...

Sport: Baseball

Signature look: A Euro-trash version of the Joker with no make-up on.

If you can stop staring in horror at Sosa's face, then you'll realize how bad his gaudy suits are. But that's a big if...

Sport: Baseball

Signature Look: Guy Fieri's protégé.

You would think that getting rid of the Neanderthal locks would have helped Damon out. Alas, terrible style is a powerful thing.

Sport: Baseball

Signature look: The friend that was rejected from Vinny Chase's entourage.

From his youth all the way to his current style, this is one Mike you don't want to be like.

Sport: Swimming

Signature look: The dumb suburban kid who had an 'N Sync poster in his bedroom until he was 22.

As soon as Olympic fever subsided and we rubbed the gold dust out of our eyes, we realized how much of a douche this dude was, and he dressed the part.

Sport: Baseball

Signature look: The neo-bro who everyone mistakenly calls "hipster."

His beard was cool, at first. Then its tentacles reached Wilson's brain and made him a caricature of what people think of when they hear the word "hipster."

Sport: Soccer

Signature look: The guy who invented Molly in 1991.

If you want to have a night where you wake up someplace weird with no recollection of the evening's proceedings, then party with anyone dressed like Drogba.

Sport: Basketball

Signature look: The only 7-footer who dresses so boring he blends into the background.

It must take a lot of effort to find clothes this ill-fitting and baggy when you're one of the tallest dudes in the country.

Sport: Baseball

Signature look: The #4 cocaine dealer in Tampa Bay, FL.

Does John Rocker possess any sense of self-awareness, or anything?

Sport: Basketball

Signature look: D-bag who dresses how people from the '80s thought the future would look like.

Damn, Lamar. What have the Kardashians/L.A. done to you?

Sport: Football

Signature look: A spokesperson for the Steve Harvey Collection for Men.

Dude might have more buttons in his closet than TDs on his statsheet.

Sport: Basketball

Signature look: That guy on the block with way too much disposable income and way too few sleeves.

Even the Kazaam genie couldn't fix Shaq's steez at this point.

Sport: Soccer

Signature look: Dresses like the guy who has girls covering their drinks when he passes by them at the club.

If you ever want to get banned from a school-zone, use Stephen Ireland as your style inspiration.

Sport: Golf

Signature look: A sex addict in Vegas.

Considering how much time he spent in the City of Sin ballin' out with cocktail waitresses, it's no wonder that he was always rocking a "Vegas outfit."

Sport: Basketball

Signature look: The evil clown in your recurring nightmare.

No further explanation necessary.

Sport: Baseball

Signature look: Recently divorced guy who goes to the Jersey Shore by himself and has push-up contests with dudes at the bar.

Jose Canseco is a pretty stand-out dude, and his style is definitely on the same level as his personality, ethics, and IQ.

Sport: Soccer

Signature look: A PSA announcement warning about the dangers of drug use in Ibiza.

No matter what you think of Ronaldo's actions on and off the field, only club promoters in places like San Diego and Miami would co-sign his style.