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5. 72 Seconds of Nonsense

Event: Fox Saturday Baseball
Date: August 2012

In 1977, Earth received a bizarre signal from space that became known as the "Wow!" signal. Thirty-five years later, Joe Buck and nearby weirdo, Tim McCarver, decided to respond. In just over a minute, McCarver tells a dumb story, Joe Buck attempts a pathetic joke, and 72 seconds of your life are completely wasted. If beings from the planet Benzar come across this transmission, they'll send an alien army equipped with laser guns to destroy every American ballpark. 

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