In what seemed like no time at all, Terrell Owens was snatched up by "North America's Team," the Buffalo Bills, less than a week after being cut from the Dallas "America's Team" Cowboys. While we're happy one of the league's best athletes and entertainers has found another home, we just can't see Terrell being happy in the land of Mark Twain and F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Yeah, yeah, it'll be good for him to get out of the national spotlight for a season to get his mind right, and he'll undoubtedly be
THE BILLS SUCK
• Despite his stats'69 passes caught for 1052 yards and 10 touchdowns last year'we'd be surprised if T.O. will be able to get the Bills (who have went 7-9 three years in a row) to play a game past week 17.
BUFFALO IS A SMALL MEDIA MARKET
• Everywhere T.O. has laid his head after leaving University of Tennessee at Chattanooga'San Francisco, Philadelphia and Dallas'has been a huge media market allowing him to pull off those crazy antics on a national stage. We can't even remember the last time we saw a Bills game on TV. The big markets also meant local and national media were covering his every move allowing him to do even sillier off the field shit like sit ups in his driveway. And with the average temperature in Buffalo hovering around 45 degrees, we don't think he'll be doing any front yard workouts until the off-season.
ANOTHER TEAM, ANOTHER QUARTERBACK
• T.O. has clashed with three of his past three quarterbacks, all of whom were stars in their own right. With Trent Edwards entering his 2nd year as the Bills QB, and being recognized as one of the future stars of the league, will T.O. be able to make Edwards "his quarterback"? Probably not. There's no doubt that T.O. will be the main option for Edwards, but we can see T.O. airing out the sophomore QB as soon as he hits off Lee Evans over him (pause).
NO REVENGE MATCHES
• T.O. loves returning to his old stomping grounds to face the people he couldn't stand to play with. It's even been said that the boo's and hateful signs drive him to play harder (except in Philly). But now that dude's on the Bills, T.O. won't be able to exact his revenge like his used to meaning he won't be able to do the "Eagle Flap" or spike the Dallas Star when/if he flies into the end zone during a rematch.
BUFFALO HAS NO HOT WOMEN
• We're not saying there aren't any dimes to be had in the land where Wendie Malick was born, all we're saying is you probably won't catch us doing a Worldwide Wednesday: Buffalo Edition. If you do, find 9 hotties though, please send all pictures to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks in advance.