Meatloaf once poignantly said that he would "do anything for love, but [he] won't do that." We never did find out what the "that" was (Eat crackers in bed? Step on a Lego? Commit murder?), but we get the point. For Mr. Loaf, there was an important line to be drawn, some unnameable boundary for which love wasn't even worth crossing.

The lovesick people we're about to discuss have conveniently disregarded Meatloaf's spot-on advice, or have just never seen his VH1 Pop Up Video segments. Either way, they have ignored all wisdom and common sense, instead choosing to take the bumpy, embarrassing, and often illegal road of doing anything for love, no boundaries style.

While there are plenty of references to unrequited love in pop culture, be it tragic video game love stories, tortured TV romances, or creepy tales of love gone wrong in movies, we’re not unfamiliar with the idea that love can act like a disease of the mind. But what’s truly fascinating about these lovestruck loonies is that their stories are true. Many of them were pushed to murder out of jealousy, and some even stuck by the sides of their sick lovers after enduring countless horrors. Yes, love may inspire some of the best works of art of all time, but it also makes people do undeniably crazy things.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, consider this your ultimate guide for how NOT to woo your crush this year. And if it makes you just a little bit more paranoid about a stranger’s advances — Is that box of chocolates actually filled with enough poison to kill 500 men? Will my ex-girlfriend try to run me over with her car three times? — don’t blame us. These love stories are so twisted, even we couldn’t make them up.