On the Late Show Tuesday night, Stephen Colbert warned us that the election is right around the corner—so "tell your family you love them and make your peace with God," Colbert advised. In his monologue, the host joked that he's hosting an election night special: "Come for the political jokes, stay for the full frontal nudity."
Noting that polls show voters aren't super enthusiastic about voting for Clinton, Colbert explains, "She's like eating your vegetables. Nobody wants to eat broccoli but I think we can all agree a head of broccoli would make a better president than Trump." Colbert noted that even the official KKK newspaper supports Donald Trump.
Then Colbert transitioned to the fact that Hillary Clinton is already planning a victory celebration. The Clinton campaign will have an explosion of fireworks over the Hudson River, and Colbert hopes the grand finale will spell out "HUBRIS" in fireworks. What will be on the menu? "They're having chicken—well right now they're just eggs—but they're counting their chickens," Colbert joked.
Colbert called out Democrats too, noting that Donna Brazile was recently fired from CNN for leaking debate questions to the Clinton campaign. One of the emails said, "One of the questions directed to HRC tomorrow is from a woman with a rash." Since the name of the woman with a rash wasn't mentioned, Colbert assumes Clinton was told to just look for the woman in the "I'm with HERpes" shirt.
But Colbert really teed off on Trump regarding a Fifty Shades of Grey-like book he apparently wrote. The book, which depicted an employee having sex on the set of Celebrity Apprentice, was going to be titled Trump Tower—a name which Colbert said is "definitely an improvement on the original title, Symbolic Penis."
The book had a lot of BDSM too, which Colbert says is no surprise, "given the pain in the ass he's been all year." Colbert pointed out a quote from the book: "After the woman fell asleep, Mikey came out, looked around and saw there were at least six women not wearing tops. He proclaimed, 'I’m dead. I’ve gone to boob heaven.'" "Boob heaven"? "Evidently Donald Trump started writing this book in the fourth grade," Colbert jabbed.
Trump pulled his name from the book before it was published, but Colbert thinks the book could've fit perfectly with other erotic books from presidents, like The Tail Splitter by Abraham Lincoln, I'm Banging My Cousin, Eleanor by FDR, and Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Slave Boob by Thomas Jefferson.
Watch the full clip above.