A children's writer in England shared a suspenseful, well-written, and hilariously British story on Twitter early this morning involving a dog, a mysterious noise and car sex

We could tell you about it, but since he already told the story the best way it could possibly be told , we're  just going to let him take it from here.

And just in case you needed a visual aid to really picture what the scene looked like, Craig posted an update later with a photo of Harpo.