The world is a cruel, cold place. No one knows this better than Fox News and affiliates, a consistently ridiculous public display of people being paid to be America's collective embarrassingly bigoted uncle. Following Vanity Fair's unveiling of their gorgeous Caitlyn Jenner cover — the culmination of a heartbreaking journey toward one's true self, decades long — resident dumb uncle Neil Cavuto provided his characteristically imbecilic thoughts, thoughts neither requested or even vaguely needed.
"Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner," Cavuto reported during a Monday afternoon Fox Business broadcast. "What the hell is going on?" Seconds later, Cavuto likened Jenner's empowering moment of beauty to the "final days" of Rome. Elsewhere, the titans of intolerance suggested Jenner's Vanity Fair cover was merely a strategic move to outshine the recent news of Kim Kardashian's pregnancy. Joining Cavuto's casual vitriol, Dagen McDowell repeatedly used male pronouns — having possibly been possessed by the ghost of Drake Bell's career.
In fact, that gives me an idea. Hey, Drake Bell — give the Cavuto gang a call. They could use a new dunce.