Most Obnoxious Engagement/Proposal Videos on the Internet

We've celebrated the digital revolution and how it has changed everything from political activism to episodic television. It is important to note, however, that there is a dark side to the democratization of technology. Now anybody with a half-baked idea and an SLR can make a sacchrine-sweet video to commemorate their engagement. It isn't enough that we are creating exhausting videos of every moment of every wedding, now we are producing videos of the moment she said, "Yes" to force our friends and relatives to sit through.

The most striking thing about the culture of engagement videos on he Internet is the sheer variety of ways that couples can bring shame to suburban white people everywhere. Flash mobs, scavenger hunts, costumed events: there seems to be no end to the race to finding the most shamelessly saccharine way to pop the question. Here are The Most Obnoxious Engagement/Proposal Videos on Internet.

Best Line: "I wanted to propose in a unique way to our song."

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: While some settle for a flash mob, Addision opted to stage an interpretive dance to he and his bae's fav song, "Call Me Maybe." For some reason, his girl is being transported to the scene via golf cart as all of this unfolds. It's hard to question the logistics when you see amazing moments like, "actress looking out the window while actor is mowing the lawn shirtless" though.

Best Line: "Now that I see it, I feel like a fool / and that's why I'm rapping in this school."

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: If you need a reminder of why you moved out of your hometown, this should probably suffice.

Best Line: The incorporation of "I Think I Want to Marry You" in the mix

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: Earlier I called out scavenger hunts and trivia nights as two of the worst things white people have perpetrated on society in recent memory. That was wrong: flash mobs, flash mobs are the worst. Though there is some pleasure to be taken in watching friends who cannot dance but were clearly enlisted against their will in the dancing, watching these is absolutely unbearable. Stayed tuned after the video for credits for some reason.

Best Line: "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: Sometimes form marries content perfectly. The Wire, in so many ways, is perfect television. Ulysses took full advantage of the novelistic form. What is the perfect way to chronicle a volleyball coach's boyfriend dressing as a mascot and dancing across the court over the course of five excruciating minutes? Naturally, you have to combine PowerPoint and video into one beautiful unholy marriage. Just when you thought the video couldn't get any better, "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey drops, adding that little bit of brilliance that you didn't know the piece needed.

Best Line: "Will you dance with me forever?"

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: An otherwise simple singing-and-acoustic-guitar proposal is made unbearable by the film school student cinematography of this video. There is more b-roll of branches catching glimpses of sunlight than in the latest Terrence Malick film. But, that's the only attempt we get at recreating one of those American Eagle commercials set at a rural pool party. The following shots are included: pan across clouds, close-up of hay bail, close-up of leaves, close-up of barbed wire fence, insert of wild flowers, time lapse of family walking to proposal, rack focus to guitar case, rack focus from couple to "Dance Forever" banner, rack focus for roughly twenty seconds straight on the bride as the camera stays relatively still. Basically, this bad boy is a shoe in for the Palm D'Or at the next Engagement Video Film Festival.

Best Line: The first thing I did, I went to my buddy Ryan and said, 'Hey man you have a guitar, can I use it?'"

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: If you thought your run-of-the-mill engagement videos were already annoying, buddy, you ain't seen nothing yet. This is a damn near fifteen minute 30 for 30 style behind the scenes documentary about how a proposal went down. You would think that this engagement would be particularly interesting, maybe concluding with skydiving or a suicide pact, but this is perhaps the most run-of-the-mill proposal ever dumped to a hard drive. Some dramatic highlights of the video: guy learns shitty acoustic song for girl and guy puts blindfold on girl before he pulls out ring. Don't worry, you get to watch the guy perform "Hey Pretty Girl" by Kip Moore in it's entirety. Christmas in July!

Best Line: "Don't tell me we're kicking field goals!"

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: If there's one place I disagree with my fellow white people, it is with our love of scavenger hunts. They are down there with trivia night and extreme obstacle course races as our worst contributions to modern society. The worst part is watching Mary-Beth attempt to act like she doesn't know exactly what's happening one clue into this "epic" scavenger hunt.

Best Line: Can't be heard over dozens of shrieking cheerleaders

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: It's just how every woman imagines being proposed to: one of your co-workers at cheerleading camp does a stunt in front of scores of tween campers and then pulls out a ring. I'm so moved, I don't know if I'll be able to handle the long version. If you enjoyed this video, for some reason there are dozens of other videos chronicling very similar proposals. Judging by these numbers, it looks like every male cheerleader uses cheer camp as the spot to pop the question.

Best Line: "You shouldn't be cursing, I'll have to edit that out."

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: The gentleman who posted this video claims that this is the "Most Creative Proposal Ever." This most creative of proposals is just that he and a buddy wrote "Will You" and "Marry Me" on the back of their trucks and passed his girl on the highway. With the Google Map screenshots and play-by-play, you'd think these guys were breaking down the goddamn Zapruder film.

Best Line: "I'm doing a fake injury so that I can propose to the love of my life."

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: What's the best way for an extreme sports enthusiast to propose to his concerned fiancée? If you said, "fake a debilitating injury," not only are you deeply disturbed, but you're also on the same wavelength as Colton. Colton convinced the hospital to allow him to pretend he had broken his back so that he could stage this romantic(?) proposal.

Best Line: "Months of preparation : )"

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: These videos continue to remind me of the worst things white people have every done. Strike trivia night; strike scavenger hunts; strike flash mobs; the worst thing that we have ever done is putting cute clothing on dogs. This video will dispel any doubt you have on that score. Also, "Months of preparation?" You wrote sentences on a dog sweater bro; don't give yourself too much credit.

Best Line: "Oh mother, that mean dragon was so very cruel to me!"

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: At the beginning of the video, Ashley is abducted on a country road by two young men, one wearing a Captain Hook outfit, and the other dressed like The Hunchback of Notre Dame. No, this isn't the beginning of a low-rent horror film or a kinky fetish porn, this is an extremely corny fairy tale-themed proposal. If you need to make a case against marrying young to any relatives in the near future, just go ahead and show them this video.

Best Line: "What do you want for Christmas?" "A ring."

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: This is news.

Best Line: "After the lip dub, there were notes along the beach for Emily to read. Each note had a favorite memory and led her to the spot where I would propose!"

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: This may be the single greatest achievement in terrible proposal videos: a combined half-assed flashmob (he calls it a lip dub) and a scavenger hunt! But, that's not all. At the end of the scavenger hunt, there is a video of all of the couple's friends reading out Brad's words for the proposal on a second screen. Let's put this thing in a time capsule for anthropologists to one day use to better understand our culture and also mock mercilessly.

Watch It Here

Best Line: "Sunday New York Times, macchiotos in the 'hood / You never cease to amaze me with your quest for truth and good."

What Makes This Particularly Insufferable: The sheer number of locations, some of them rather exotic, adds an "eat the rich" anger to the complex palette of emotions that this video dredges up in the viewer. This video paints perhaps the most thoroughly out of touch yuppie version of idle rich we've seen since The Great Gatsby.