10 Absurdly Pathetic Moments From "The Bachelorette" Season Nine

"Individually Defined"

When: Episode 7

The scenario: Earlier in the season, Chris wrote Des the kind of love poem that eighth-grade boys from the suburbs pen when they're trying to get their first hand job. Des gushed over it, but purely out of obligation. Chris thinks he hit a home run, however, so now he "shares a feeling" (Chris' phrase, not ours) every time he sees her. 

The moment: Chris' flagship moment came over a one-on-one dinner with Des when he recites "Individually Defined," a horrible love poem that's neither about individuality or defining it. Take it away Chris:

The strongest words with so much meaning,

hard to say without a stammer.

But when expressed with true feeling,

sincere, for no other word can mean so much more.

Like the time we spent atop the Hotel 17,

feelings had changed and were oh so real,

meant to be is how I feel.

Our hearts are open,

words expressed by you, feelings that I know are so true.

I look forward to the unknown, 

appreciate the emotion you have shown.

And I'm also hopeful to see if in your heart I am at home.

Expressed in writing and felt through touch,

enjoy this moment and embrace this rush.

The strongest words with so much meaning,

not so hard to believe it's true.

Are hearts are open and in every kiss,

I truly mean that I love you. 

LOLZ at "feelings had changed and were oh so real, meant to be is how I feel." Dude, did you finish high school? Also, someone get this guy a thesaurus because Edgar Allan Blows over here can't go a stanza without using "feelings," "heart," or "meaning." Chris, you're too far gone. Paula Deen thinks you're embarrassing yourself.  

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