Director: Oliver Stone

Oliver Stone’s disastrous biopic on Macedonian conqueror Alexander the Great has so many things wrong with it that it seems unfair to cast the heaviest blame on Colin Farrell’s lead performance, but, fuck it, the undeniably miscast actor deserves the scorn just as much as the director of previous gems like Platoon, JFK, and Natural Born Killers.

One commonality shared by those three aforementioned films is the brisk, involving pace that Stone's best movies possess; Alexander, on the other hand, is a three-hour-long slog. Relying on Farrell to carry the talky proceedings, the director suffers from his star's inability to exude both macho presence and layered gravitas.

There's one silver lining, though: If the proposition of seeing a naked Rosario Dawson sounds enticing, Alexander may actually be worth your time. We're sure he would love to hear his costly epic boiled down to such lowbrow terms.