Weird Science: Building The Perfect Valentine From Our 14 Favorite Video Game Girls

Just because you don't have a date tonight doesn't mean Valentine's Day has to be S.A.D. (Singles Awareness Day). Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, just do what we do: spend all day fantasizing about your perfect woman.

This year we decided to externalize that fantasy, and naturally, like all our fantasies, it came out in list form. Thus, we present to you the 14 aspects of our perfect Valentine—one video game girl at a time. She may not exist, but that doesn't mean we can't dream, right?

We'll get this one out of the way right now. We're not shallow or sexist, but let's be honest: Miranda Lawson is smoking hot. There was really no other choice when it came to Shepard's romantic interests in Mass Effect 2. How could there be, when she's been so lovingly modeled after her voice actress, the exceptional Yvonne Strahovski?

She already stole our hearts as the leading lady on Chuck, and for her role in Mass Effect 2 her assets were significantly.. enhanced. Lawd have mercy.

What other girl would wait around for seven years while her kingdom went to hell and everyone she knew was tortured, fled or died? As lake beds dried up, the dead rose to walk the street and an evil madman ruled over all, she waited faithfully for the Hero of Time to awaken from his sorcerous slumber.

We'll admit we're not the quickest dudes in the world (mentally or physically), and we need a lady who's willing to wait around for a while we get our shit together. Yet even Zelda knows when to take matters into her own hands—that piratey attitude suits her well in Wind Waker.

Have you seen this chick run? She practically flies over the rooftop's of Mirror's Edge's apocalyptic futurescape. She's about as fit as they come. And let's be honest—that's a requirement in our perfect lady.

Are we being a little hypocritical? Sure, we spend about 18 hours a day in bed, and the rest on the couch. Listen, it's not our fault we were blessed with this metabolism. Don't hate.

There are few things sexier than a girl who knows what she wants and won't rest until she gets it. Undercover Interpol agent Chun-Li fits the bill perfectly—she fights her way through the entire Street Fighter tournament to avenge her father. That's a lot of ass-beating.

On the other hand, too much dedication can border on obsession, which is why our perfect girl's love for us would be tempered with a touch of autonomy—which brings us to our next slide..

As a galactic bounty hunter, Samus spends a whole lot of time alone on her ship. In fact, she's usually alone when she reaches her destinations, too. Then she explores hostile planets. Alone. Yet she somehow doesn't feel the need to text us every five minutes.

Ugh, no wonder we're single.

The Princess of Mushroom Kingdom is a beacon of open-mindedness. For one thing, she's dating a plumber. It's not a glamorous job, and Mario's not exactly suave, but she likes him for who he is. We respect that.

Plus she's tried like, every sport ever. Kart racing, tennis, baseball, basketball, soccer, fishing—you name it. That's a requirement for us. After all, if she's willing to try all those things, what else might she be willing to try? Can you feel us winking?

A girl of Catherine's particular talents isn't necessarily easy to handle, but it's usually worth it. The game let us continually cheat on our girlfriends with her, without actually having to feel guilty about it. It was a win-win! Besides all those inane block puzzles, at least. Also, who are we kidding? Girlfriends?

Her clinginess, jealousy and general air of imminent violence aside, Catherine's sex appeal is undeniable. We found ourselves choosing her over the more, uh, bookish Katherine every time. If only real life were so simple.

Bad girls like Catherine are great, but our perfect girl has an innocent side as well. Right up to her (SPOILERZ) untimely demise, Aerith believes that the world is inherently good. Even Sephiroth is just a misunderstood mama's boy, until he sticks an oversized katana through her. The poor flower girl never sees it coming.

While she might be a little too innocent, a little bit of naivety can be cute. As long as she's got a darker side as well..

Because sometimes you just want to get with a girl who's scary as hell. You certainly wouldn't bring her home to mom (is that notion antiquated yet?), but you might take her for a romp in the interdimensional hay. In the case of Morrigan, especially, that romp might be your last, but it would probably be worth it.

We're not saying our perfect girl would have all the properties of a demonic succubus vampire, but she'd definitely have a wild side. Not the kind with wings, but you get our meaning, right?

She may not be all there in the head, but gee whiz can she cook. We've got no problem with sharing the duties at home, but there's just something wholesome about getting a homecooked meal from your lady friend.

Not that we would know. We haven't eaten anything that didn't have "Kraft" in the name since we left the womb.

Jade is one of those characters who's really difficult to find fault in, especially if you're as into hipster girls as we are. She loves animals (even half-boar, half-human ones), she runs an orphanage, and she lives in a lighthouse. Plus she's a photographer and a freelance journalist. Best of all, she's a humanitarian who works to undermine a corrupt government's human trafficking schemes.

Our perfect girl doesn't have to go quite that far, but having an artsy side is a definite plus. The green lipstick is a nice touch, too.

We're glad it was Chell in there and not us, because we would have never lived up to GLaDOS's expectations. The test results would have been totally skewed, because we would have snuffed it at the first sign of acid pools or ricocheting balls of plasma energy.

Chell barely blinks an eye. Hell, she can probably solve any problem we throw at her. Maybe she can even fix our loneliness. Sigh.

Alyx is one of the most beloved female characters in gaming for a reason. She's probably the least annoying NPC partner ever created; she always keeps her cool, makes jokes when they're needed, and knows when to shut up and fight. She's always got the tools for the job, whether that job is hacking alien computers or shooties zombies in the face, and she never loses her head.

Alyx is pretty close to being our perfect girl just based on those characteristics alone.

This is a big one. We spend about half our waking hours thinking about the zombie apocalypse, and we're pretty sure our subconscious is chugging away on it the rest of the time. We'd be happy to have any one of these ladies with whom to repopulate humanity, but there's one skill above all others that's going to come in handy. And Anya's got it in spades.

It's too bad it took until Gears 3 for Epic to introduce her, because she can handle a chainsaw bayonet with the best of 'em. When you combine that with the rest of these characters' charms, you get the perfect woman—an impossibly high standard, but it's like we said: we can always dream.