"If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed." Those were the words of Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre at the end of the hit CBS show on Monday night. And can you blame the guy for being upset?

Lorre made his statement about Sheen's drug, alcohol, and porn star abuse problems in the vanity card that the executive producer so preciously places at the end of one of his productions. (A similarly anti-Sheen card appeared at the end of Mike & Molly.)

Wrote Lorre: "I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I've had chest x–rays, cardio stress tests, EKG's and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers."

For his part, Sheen has yet to comment (he did most of his talking on The Dan Patrick Show on Monday), and likely won't. After all, this seems like a marriage of convenience for both: Sheen gets paid millions for being on Two and a Half Men and Lorre gets his millions for making Two and a Half Men. One can't survive without the other.