Heeeeeey, happy Italian Flag Day, (the tricolored flag first premiered on January 7, 1797) everybody! No, seriously. We love a celebration, and there's-a no better way to commemorate the spiciest meatball in all of flagdom than to offer up an ennead'or nonet, take your pick'of the finest specimens ever to spring from the loins of the Boot. Or something like that.
Oh, forget it. It's nine Italian women we'd gladly make our goomah. Happy?
#9. Giada De Laurentiis
Claim to fame: Putting all kinds of things in her mouth on the Food Network. The sexiest disproportionately large head in all of television.
#8. Elisabetta Canalis
Claim to fame: In Italy, she's a popular TV personality. Here, she's "Lady in Castle" in Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. We blame the language barrier.
#7. Sophia Loren
Claim to fame: She has an Academy Award, people. And it's not for Hottest 75 Year Old (though it could be). Like a true Italian vixen, she's been curing meat for decades now.
#6. Sara Varone
Claim to fame: Another TV personality. Hey Italy, we've got a new tourism slogan for you: Leading the World in Chesty TV Personalities Since Mussolini Died.
#5. Emanuela Folliero
Claim to fame: The hostess of Stranamore, which translates to Strangelove. Or How I Stopped Worrying And Learned to Love the Bombshell.
#4. Francesca Lodo
Claim to fame: A model who was once engaged to footballer Javier Zanetti. And we know what you're thinking. Yes, we also have a Lodo we'd like to introduce her to.
#3. CJ Gibson
Claim to fame: Filipino-Italian import model. She also models with her sister, a Playboy Playmate. We'd show you a picture, but our hands won't stop shaking long enough to upload it.
#2. Aria Giovanni
Claim to fame: Oh, judon't know? She's like 1/16th Italian, which is approximately 1/16th more than she'd need to be for us to find an excuse to look for pictures of her.
And click NEXT on for the #1 Hottest Italian Woman...
1. Monica Bellucci
Claim to fame: Moonlights as an internationally renowned actress while actually being famous for being the finest woman in the entire fucking world. Ever. Ever ever? Ever ever.