In case you were sleeping under a rock, or you know, not terribly concerned with the goings-on of the music industry, then maybe you haven't heard that Jay Z just launched his own, artist-owned streaming service. It started when he, and musicians who would be revealed to be co-investors, all changed their social media profiles to #TidalTeal to start the quote movement unquote. Then came the star-studded commercial. And finally, the press conference, the grand presentation to convince us to drop $10 or $20 for the kind of audio quality the rich, famous, and audiophiles are regularly accustomed to. What would happen? Would there be a legendary Kanye speech? New music from the Roc's troika—Rihanna, Kanye, or even Jigga himself—released exclusively? 

Welp, the final product was—well, we're not really sure. Jay Z, Beyoncé, Kanye, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, J. Cole, Usher, Daft Punk, Arcade Fire, Jack White, Usher, Madonna, Deadmau5, Chris Coldplay Martin and Calvin Harris (both via Skype), and Jason Aldean (lmao, who?) all trotted out like they were waiting to receive Illuminati diplomas, after a keynote speech from Headmistress Alicia Keys. She quoted Nietzsche and Jimi Hendrix. Then everyone signed a blood oath contract and stood around awkwardly. Yay, Tidal?! Thankfully Twitter brought their A-game to commiserate in the confusion and sort out whether Tidal may really be worth it.

Frazier Tharpe is a staff writer for Complex. Follow him @The_SummerMan.