Producer: Mike Will Made It
Album: Est 1989 Pt. 3 (The Album)
Music snobs and critical thinkers are not hating Miley for the obvious reasons, and it's a shame, because Mike Will Made It's "23" is as basic, artless, manufactured and vapid as music gets. It deserves to be hated for these reasons. We get plenty of thinkpieces on the racial implications of Miley's MTV Video Music Awards performance and the complete history of one specific kind of ass-shaking, but not one person is willing to come out and say how annoying her Ke$ha-like tone is when she says, "I be in the club standing on the couch?" Come on.
Mumford & Sons, Lorde, or Vampire Weekend are all better choices for someone putting together a list of least favorite songs, and ignoring or ironically embracing horrible pop stars like Miley Cyrus is the move. But it's time to get back to basics.
In 2013, hating on the obvious has become unhip. For the cool music in-crowd, hating on something as hateable as the well-made but terribly tacky and vacant music of Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber adds nothing to a personal brand. Mumford & Sons, Lorde, or Vampire Weekend are all better choices for someone putting together a list of least favorite songs, and ignoring or ironically embracing a couple horrible pop stars like Miley Cyrus is the move. But it's time to get back to basics.
"23" is terrible and it's proof that something is heartbreakingly wrong with the correlation between popularity and quality. It's the fast food of music. It is like walking into a burger joint but instead of finding a restaurant offering tasty food, it's just a giant pool of vomit. And millions of people are swimming in it while wearing shit-eating grins on their faces, gargling vomit in their mouths until the acidic fluids corrode their teeth into little nubs. And then instead of pointing out how terrible it is that we've all got nubs for teeth, we start pretending that nubs are attractive, and eventually we don't even realize we're pretending anymore, and suddenly it's like, "Hey, these nubs are awesome. Let's just keep gargling vomit for the rest of our lives!"
Come on guys, stop gargling vomit. The real point here is: when gargling vomit, at least realize that you're doing it and don't pretend that the nubs are actually...wait, what were we talking about? —Jacob Moore