Obama is in Queen Elizabeth's ear. Pause, with a royal whee.
Nothing says "I don't want to be ruled by you, but thanks for being a friend" like an iPod, which is why President Barack Obama gave one to England's Queen Elizabeth II during a private meeting at Buckingham Palace. The iPod was loaded with video and photos from the 82-year-old bird's various trips to the U.S., as well as showtunes. Pretty lame, though not as lame as the Elizabeth giving the Obamas a signed photograph in a silver frame—the same gift she gives all visiting dignitaries.
Diplomacy and an aide's questionable taste no doubt dictated the contents of the iPod. But we're sure that the playlist would be a hell of a lot cooler and more meaningful had Obama put it together himself. It would probably sound a little something like this...
"U.N.I.T.Y." by Queen Latifah
"We know you're just a figurehead, Lizzy, so please thank whoever actually makes the decisions on your wee island for sticking by us in Iraq. We couldn't have launched an ass-backwards invasion without you!"
"Inglan Is a Bitch," by Linton Kwesi Johnson
"By 'bitch' we mean down-ass bitch. Now go pour us another cup o' tea. And don't dawdle with the biscuits."
"Diamonds and Pearls," by Prince
"We just always wanted to bless the royal family with our jewels."
"Baby Got Back," by Sir Mix-A-Lot
"Best. Knighting. Ever."
"Soul by the Pound," by Common
"Trade some of your robust currency for our genuine soul music? Or you could just keep on gobbling up that watered down, blue-eyed twink shite your country produces."
"(That Body Built For) Sin," by Size Queen
"Oh sorry, we thought Helen Mirren was the Queen of England."
"Hound Dog," by Elvis Presley, a.k.a. the King
"On second thought, we could go for some of your royal crown. The accent gets us every time."
"The Ruler's Back," by Slick Rick
"We've heard that the thought of ruling over American colonies again puts you in the mood. It'd better, 'cause we don't go for no half-assed crown."
"Love Reign O'er Me," by the Who
"And if you're lucky we'll sprinkle you with loose seeds from our amber waves of grain."
"Independent," by Webbie
"Understand: We won't be ruled again, so don't be surprised when we skeet and retreat."