1. The Born-Again Rager (a.k.a. The Lightweight)
There's something to be said for getting your sea legs in high school. If one goes into college with 18 year's worth of 8 p.m. curfews and nightly breathalyzers from their overbearing parents, all it takes is a few unsupervised nights in the dorm to turn the captain of the math team into a teenage version of David Lee Roth. This guy beer bongs and promptly projectile vomits his parents tuition money away. He texts every girl in his phone "What r u up 2?" at 1 a.m. nightly and brags about "getting totally wasted last night" like it's a unique accomplishment. After failing his first set of finals, he'll have to enroll in a community college near home and trade in his drunken, late night Chipotle runs for Sunday afternoon grocery trips to Costco with mom. We'd feel bad if it weren't so funny.