11 Bike Helmets You Should Never, Ever Wear

You can do better.

August 29, 2013
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Let's get this out of the way right up front: Generally speaking, wearing any bike helmet is better than wearing no helmet at all. Sure, they're not going to completely protect your noggin in any situation, but in any case it's far better to look stupid than be dead. That said, you don't have to look COMPLETELY stupid. A bike helmet will never be a fashion statement, and the harder you try and make it one, the more silly it'll make you look. The best thing to do is just get a standard helmet and embrace the inherent dorkiness. Overreach, and, well, you get these: 11 Bike Helmets You Should Never, Ever Wear.

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Viva la France!

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Putting lights on a helmet that looks like a beret just makes it easier for cars to hit you. On purpose.

Bucket Head

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Every attempt to make a bike helmet look "fashionable" leads to disaster. Yes, this helmet looks like a bucket hat. A giant bucket hat. With a chinstrap. Erick Sermon wept.

Overly Cautious

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Even crash-test dummies are laughing at you. No, not those guys.

War Ensemble

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Your Dyno cruiser is not a Harley-Davidson, and you are not a Hell's Angel. Please try again.

The Speed Demon

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There is nothing wrong with an aerodynamic helmet, provided you are in the final time trial of the Tour de France. And even those guys look silly.

Permission for Flyby Denied

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Unless your bicycle is an F-14 Tomcat, you'll look like Maverick trying to get to Miramar. For only $960, too!

Crushable Fashion

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First of all, a crushable helmet seems to defeat the purpose. Also, you look like a safety-obsessed chimney sweep.

Herringbone Thug

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Congratulations, you have made the local tweed ride look even more ridiculous than it did already.

The Sherlock Holmes

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You know why Sherlock Holmes could get away with wearing a deerstalker cap? Because it was the 1800s, he did cocaine, and he was A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.

Melon Head

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Sure, you might be safer in the case of a crash. But who will save you from Gallagher?

All of the Lights

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Only if you wear it with this.