Image via Complex Original
The Fourth of July is hands down our favorite 'banks are closed' holiday of the entire calendar year.
It used to be Halloween, but after a certain age you can't run around in a ski mask, after dark, dressed head to toe in black without being stopped for questioning. We blame Obama. Anyway, Independence Day is the one day of the year where you can be as loud, drunk, and unabashedly patriotic as you'd like without being removed for delinquency. You can act that way whenever you'd like, but at least on the 4th you'll have company. Add grilled meat, open flames, and the unsupervised handling of explosives, and you've got a clear winner over Christmas.
We've got 364 other days to worry about crippling student debt, America's vast domestic spying programs, drones, and our wildly debatable foreign policy. We get one day a year to pretend we're the good guys from every Die Hard film of the last 20 years. We can go back to citing Chomsky and shouldering our liberal guilt about being the New Roman Empire on the 5th. Give me a can of Bud Heavy and help us count The 25 Best Video Games Where You Kick Ass in the Name of America.
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All of the Splinter Cell titles.
How American is this game? As American as combining Red Bull, Four Loko, and Mountain Dew just cause this is America and you can.
The entire Medal of Honor franchise.
How American is this game? As American as rappers quoting the movie Scarface.
Every minute of Wolfenstein.
How American is this game? As American as Native American casinos.
Steve McQueen in The Great Escape.
How American is this game? As American as feeding children Lunchables.
The officially sanctioned U.S. Army training simulator America's Army.
How American is this game? As American as unpaid internships.
The US Military in Company of Heroes.
How American is this game? As American as developing a crushing meth addiction.
From the ashes of Vietnam II, Blood Dragon.
How American is this game? As American as mom jeans and muffin tops.
Helping birth a nation in Assassin's Creed III.
How American is this game? As American as gorging yourself at an all you can eat Chinese Super Buffet.
The old-school Bionic Commando.
How American is this game? As American as watching a NASCAR crash on a loop.
Everything about Spec Ops: The Line.
How American is this game? As American as Jean Claude Van Damme in Time Cop.
The Captain America: Super Soldier game.
How American is this game? As American as lying to your grandkids about you being at Normandy on D-Day.
Playing as the Clintons in NBA Jam 93.
How American is this game? As American as using a Doritos bag as an emergency condom.
Literally the entire Metal Gear series.
How American is this series? As American as drinking so much whiskey you accuse your smart phone of spying on you for the government.
The now ancient NES game, Jackal.
How American is this game? As American as deep frying two donuts to use as a hamburger bun.
The whole Rainbow Six series.
How American is this game? As American as aging rockstars getting back together for one more reunion tour.
Playing Street Fighter as Guile.
How American is this game? As American as childhood obesity.
The Rambo arcade game from Sega.
How American is this game? It's as American as John fucking Rambo.
The entire Battlefield series.
How American is this game? As American as overpaid professional athletes.
The True Lies video game tie-in.
How American is it? As American as credit card debt.
WWF WrestleMania from 1991.
How American is this game? As American as a solo climax to a VHS copy of Girls Gone Wild.
The Data East Captain America and The Avengers title from 1991.
How American is this game? As American as celebrity sex tapes.
Literally every title in the Call of Duty franchise.
How American are these games? As American as hunting the California Condor to extinction.
NBA 2K12 as the Dream Team.
How American is this game? As American as not paying for music you download from the Internet.
The 1942 series.
How American is this game? As American as defaulting on your student loans.
Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja
How American is this game? As American as asking a French person if they speak German. When they say 'Le, No'. You say, 'You're welcome.'
