Image via Complex Original
Words by Jason Johnson
Everyone knows that NBA All-Star Weekend is more about plus-ones than and-ones. This year it's in L.A., and we all know what that means: mo' stars, mo' money, mo' (Twitter) groupies. With one of the biggest party weekends of the year upon us, Complex has decided to make choosing the right parties easy for you. Oh yeah: Watch your chains, children...
Ron Artest and BALL'N Sneakers
WHEN: Friday, 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.
WHERE: ESPN Zone LA Live
HOSTED BY: Ron Artest
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Tony Yayo, Lamar Odom, Kevin James
WHAT TO WEAR: New Eras and complimentary BALL'N kicks
THEME SONG: "Who Are You," Ron Artest feat. Nas and Xin Xin
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Who can't get into an ESPN Zone?
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 2. At the risk of sounding like halfway crooks, when it comes to girls at this event, we're scared to death and scared to look.
DON'T GO IF.... you're shook.
Dwight Howard Presents Larger Than Life
WHEN: Friday, 8:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m.
WHERE: The Highlands Hollywood Night Club
HOSTED BY: Dwight Howard, Antonio Cromartie, Glen “Big Baby” Davis, Willis McGahee
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Shawn Kemp, Tracy Jordan
WHAT TO WEAR: Condoms
THEME SONG: "What’s My Name," Rihanna
feat. Drake
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: If you're not making paper, you better have a hot chick with you.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 5. This group of hosts is, how can we put this...virile. Pause.
The potential to lock down a baller for 18-21 years is off the charts at this
event. Expect a primo groupie turnout.
DON'T GO IF.... you brought your girl with you.
Purp & Yellow Party
WHEN: Friday, 9 p.m. to 2 a.m.
WHERE: J Lounge
HOSTED BY: Matt Barnes
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Wiz Khalifia, Snooki, JWOWW
WHAT TO WEAR: Purp and yellow...but collared
THEME SONG: "Purp & Yellow"
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Pretty good. Matt Barnes is hosting.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 3. Uhhh...Matt Barnes is hosting.
DON'T GO IF.... you're a Celtics fan.
Player's Ball
WHEN: Friday, 9 p.m. to 3 a.m.
WHERE: Exchange Los Angeles
HOSTED BY: Rick Ross and Nicki Minaj (allegedly)
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Biz Markie is (allegedly) spinning
WHAT TO WEAR: Whatever you wore to work that day
THEME SONG: "Imaginary Player," Jay-Z
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: You'll get in.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 1. Four different promoters claim to be throwing this party at two different venues. Discerning groupies will take this as a sign that neither party is the real deal.
DON'T GO IF.... you can get into any of the other parties.
All-Star Weekend Party Hosted by Lil Wayne
WHEN: Friday, 9 p.m. to 4 a.m.
WHERE: The Shrine Expo Center
HOSTED BY: Weezy F. Baby
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Chris Paul, Kobe, Nicki Minaj, Zooey Deschanel
WHAT TO WEAR: Skinny pants and some Vans
THEME SONG: "6'7""
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Pretty good...big-ass venue.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 4. Weezy owns hip-hop so much right now that they didn’t even have to put another name on the flyer. It’s a safe bet, that no matter what your preference, you can find it here.
DON'T GO IF.... you're just gonna stand around ice-grilling.
adidas, Snoop Dogg & Footaction Present: Welcome to L.A.
WHEN: Friday, 9 p.m. to close
WHERE: The Standard Hotel Downtown
HOSTED BY: Snoop Dogg
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Baron Davis, Far East Movement, Chris Brown, Cameron Diaz
WHAT TO WEAR: Someting ObyO, something Rick Owens
THEME SONG: "Kush," Dr. Dre feat. Snoop
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Decent, it being a hotel and all
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 5. Scheduled performances by Neil Armstrong, plus DJ Khaled, plus Chris Breezy. A lot of bases covered there.
DON'T GO IF.... you're still mad that Snoop came through and crushed the buildings.
LA Confidential
WHEN: Saturday, 8 p.m. to close
WHERE: Boulevard 3
HOSTED BY: Kobe Bryant
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: ?uestlove, Jack Nicholson, Kobe-Stans
WHAT TO WEAR: Shiny suit
THEME SONG: "No Hands," Waka Flocka
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Even if you do, you won't get within three-point range of Kobe.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 2. We imagine Vanessa standing by the door sending chickenheads home.
DON'T GO IF.... you have open warrants.
Celebrity Sweat VIP Party
WHEN: Saturday, 10:30 p.m. to 1 a.m.
WHERE: Playboy Mansion
HOSTED BY: Nelly
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: The Hef, The Situation, The Big-Tittied Girls
WHAT TO WEAR: Smoking jacket, Speedo
THEME SONG: "Hot in Herre"
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: If you got a famous connect, you should be good. Don't act up, though.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 5. Dude: It's a fitness-themed party at the Playboy Mansion. Do the math.
DON'T GO IF.... your ab game is weak.
All-Star Grand Finale
WHEN: Sunday, 9 p.m. to close
WHERE: Kress Hollywood
HOSTED BY: Dwyane Wade & Fabolous
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Derrick Rose, Bron Bron, Gabrielle Union, some "Yo, ain't that...." B-listers
WHAT TO WEAR: Gucci, Louis Vuitton
THEME SONG: "You Be Killin Em"
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Gonna be a tougher one.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 4.5. Real NBA stars + second-tier rapper + Hollywood locale. It's a formula, sons.
DON'T GO IF.... you roll with Bassy Telfair.
Diddy's All-Star Grand Finale
WHEN: Sunday, 9 p.m. to close
WHERE: Exchange Los Angeles
HOSTED BY: Diddy
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Jay-Z, Beyonce, Brad Pitt, that one chick from Dirty Money
WHAT TO WEAR: White
THEME SONG: "All of the Lights"
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Dude, look above.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 5. These aren't even groupies, fam.
DON'T GO IF.... you hate Ciroc.
