In the first advertisement for his show Any Given Wednesday, Bill Simmons makes a lot of bold statements. Aside from using the F-word for the first time on HBO, he also utters, "I believe that every DiCaprio movie would be a little bit better as a Matt Damon movie." Now, this opinion is lodged next to things like "Soup is a good food" and "God made the Red Sox win," so clearly the statement should be taken with a grain of salt.

Or, it could be taken with extreme offense. It could lead an entire group of people to react like Ben Affleck after a handful of Rum and Cokes. It could make this group of people write an entire blog post arguing the exact opposite just to prove a point. So that's what you're about to read: the exact opposite of Bill Simmons. On the same day Damon's new Jason Bourne movie drops, we're going to argue that ACTUALLY, every Matt Damon movie would be better if it were a DiCaprio movie, and talk about a few Damon roles that DiCaprio would have totally slayed. Because Leo doesn't deserve that slander, Bill.