UPDATE 2:26 p.m.: Kim Kardashian has heard all your theories about Kanye or Khloé sending out tweets on her behalf, and she's simply not here for that nonsense at all:

No ghostwriting needed.

See original story below.

UPDATE 1:30 p.m.Bette Midler, perhaps while reading this very article, has denied Kim Kardashian's allegation of attempting to fake-friend her. "Looks like anyone can take a selfie," Midler tweeted, "but not everyone can take a joke."

See original story below.

The power of Twitter compelled Kim Kardashian on Monday night, prompting an outright evisceration of a handful of alleged haters. As previously reported, Kim kicked off the American work week with a triumphant (and artfully censored) nude selfie before receiving the unfortunately predictable backlash that comes with being a master of the social media arsenal. Hours after clarifying that the selfie in question was in fact a mere throwback, Kim then appeared to flex all over the timeline with some figures regarding her blockbuster mobile game:

Piers Morgan, resident annoyance, was then queued as the first of Kim’s Pablo-esque tweetstorm. "Hey @piersmorgan," Kim tweeted. "Never offer to buy a married woman clothes. That’s on some Ashley Madison type shit. #forresearch." Wasting little time, Kim then steered the Twitter ship toward Bette Midler. Midler, sadly, previously took public aim at Kim's artfully censored nude selfie with a lame joke about swallowing a camera.


However, in the spirit of true Twitter disclosure, Kim (or whoever was tweeting from her account on Monday night?) doubled down on the Midler shots:

Kim then decided to respond to Neighbors 2 star Chloë Grace Moretz, who earlier that day had replied to Kim's selfie with some tweeted words of disapproval:

Kim, now properly liberated, then decided to kick back and sip some digital tea:

Anyone else down for a spot of tea?