Sound the alarms, alert the troops: Game of Thrones Season 6 is upon us. The first official trailer for the sixth season just dropped, which is amazing for a couple reasons. One, the trailer is great. But two, this trailer means we can finally look forward instead of ruminating over, arguing and LYING about events that took place last season. I don't know about you, but if I read one more interview in which Kit Harington pussyfoots around the fate of Jon Snow and plays TOTALLY dumb—I'm not on the show anymore but oh wait you saw those photos of me in costume on set?—I'm going to punch a hole through my laptop.

So in the spirit of new trailers and beginnings, and getting the bad taste of this GoT off-season out of my mouth, let's dive head-first into all of this new footage. Now, before we go ahead and explain/break down every scene in this Season 6 trailer, let me emphasize that I am not the internet's foremost expert on Game of Thrones. I'd say I pay more attention to the show and study it more than the average viewer, but there is a chance that some of you have more answers than I do. Lastly, I have not read the books (which I guess matters less and less—sorry book bros).

Without further ado, let's explain this shit. (Oh, it should be mentioned that there are spoilers below, or at least the potential for me to ruin this coming season for you.)

LOL, there's Jon Snow's dead (for now), stabbed-up ass. As if I have to remind you, he was brutally betrayed and murdered by his own brothers of the Night's Watch at the end of last season. Don't recognize him from this black raven's eye's view? Here's a closer look:

Pictured above: Jaime Lannister returning to King's Landing from his excursion in Dorne. I don't want to have to think about those Season 5 scenes in Dorne because they were hot garbage, probably the worst the show has ever done. So to make a long story short, what you need to know is that Jaime is returning to King's Landing with a dead daughter, Myrcella. Myrcella was poisoned by Ellaria Sand, an act of revenge for the gruesome death of Sand's lover, Prince Oberyn Martell, at the hands of Cersei Lannister. Oberyn's death, via The Mountain via Cersei, was the most brutal moment in Season 4, but I'll forgive you if you've already forgotten about it.

"We're the only ones who matter," Jaime tells Cersei in this scene, which is a cool way to say, "I'm sorry I got our daughter killed."

You know what? I can't confidently say who this is. Maybe Ser Davos? I wanna guess Roose Bolton though, because of the surrounding climate, the brooding, and the scenes that come next...

We don't actually get any dialogue over these two shots, but it's clear Roose is still carrying some deep-seated disappointment for his bastard son, Ramsay Snow. At the close of Season 5, House Bolton (thanks in large part to Ramsay) successfully toppled Stannis Baratheon (I'm pretty sure? It happened off-screen) and his army, but in the fracas Ramsay allowed Reek (a.k.a. Theon Greyjoy) and Sansa Stark to escape. Both characters were crucial hostages/bargaining chips, and Sansa's captivity especially allowed the Boltons to maintain control of the North, so yeah, Ramsay fucked up by letting them get away. Just when he and his pops were starting to get along too!

Still likely in Winterfell, here is a man who has been flayed, crucified on an X, and burned by the Boltons, as they're wont to do. Is it Stannis? Like I said, I have no idea. And it's really hard to recognize someone after their skin has been peeled off.

"The great victory I saw in the flames—all of it was a lie," says Melisandre in this scene. To recap: among many other crimes, Melisandre convinced Stannis that he was the One True King, then made him ride to the North, then had him sacrifice his fucking daughter under the auspices that it'd help them win the battle versus House Bolton. It totally did not. Out of focus here is Ser Davos being like, "I fookin' told ya so."

Your boy Jorah is back! He's riding around Essos with Daario Naharis (awkward!) trying to locate Daenerys Targaryen, who bounced from Meereen on her huge dragon, Drogon, in Season 5. Not pictured here: Jorah's disgusting greyscale, which threatens to kill him and a bunch of other people. So where's Khaleesi?

Mass servitude to the Khalasar it appears! Picking up from where she left off in Season 5, it seems that the Dothraki gave no shits about her former royal ties to the Khalasar, and have her now fully slumming it. Remember when we were all like, OMG I can't wait for Daenerys to get to Westeros! Ha, not yet, all of us.

Ah, the Guilty Remnant Faith Militant, a.k.a. the religious fanatics who were so stupidly empowered by Cersei in Season 5. As expected, they immediately utilized their newfound power to imprison all sinners, Cersei and Queen Margaery included, and more or less ignited a civil war in King's Landing. In this scene, Lancel Lannister, who once fucked Cersei, his aunt, says to her, "Order your man to step aside or there will be violence." This is Cersei's "man":

That "man" is Ser Gregor Clegane, the Moutain. After he was gravely wounded by Oberyn Martell in Season 4, he was basically Frankenstein'ed back to life by Qyburn in Season 5. Now he looks like if you squirted a bunch of toothpaste into a suit of armor, which is cool. Anyways, Cersei is like, "Yeah duh, of course I want violence," and then we see...

...two images that I do not recognize or understand. Cool.

Hi Tommen! So glad to see you've got King's Landing in such good shape! What's that? You don't? You actually have no semblance of power and allowed bitterness between your wife (Margaery Tyrell) and mother (Cersei) to fester and turn into a full-out war between your government and a religious sect? Oh.

It's dark, but this is confirmation that Arya Stark is still getting her ass beat/"trained" at the House of Black and White. Being made to go blind—which she was at the end of Season 5—was not the end of that particular string of hardship.

Petyr Baelish, still scheming.

Here's our first look at Margaery Tyrell, who was imprisoned in Season 5 by the Faith Militant for lying on her brother Loras' behalf. Like Cersei last season, she looks to be having a real shitty time in prison. This isn't the last we see of her in this trailer though...

This is another scene I'm struggling to identify. The snowy landscape and the height of the person in the foreground made me to think it was Brandon Stark, who was sidelined for all of the fifth season, but that kid is crippled—and the bro in question here appears to be standing on his own. So, help me out on this one.

The war ain't stopping for House Bolton (you can see their flag in the middle of the shot) in Season 6.

Just going to guess here—because of the bloodhounds in the lower-left corner of this shot, it really looks like the eunuch formerly known as Theon Greyjoy has been run down after escaping Winterfell. We know from that disgusting Season 5 scene involving Ramsay, his girlfriend, and a peasant girl, that the Boltons have hounds, so on its face this looks like Theon's recapture. But what is he looking at here? Is there a twist? Let's go to the next shot:

That would be a very bearded Theon getting dunked in water, a ritual you might recognize from when he was dunked in water by his father, Balon, in Season 2. The implication here—because of the beard and the ritual—is that Theon does escape the grasps of Ramsay Snow, and does make it back to his homeland, the Iron Islands.

Cool! Incest is still alive and well!

Cool! Brienne of Tarth is still slaying people! (By the way, she was the one who may or may not have sent Stannis Baratheon to his death, abandoning her promise to "protect Sansa" in the process. Think she's mad about failing in that regard?)

OK, here are the two most important scenes from this trailer, and you should pay attention to them far more than any interview Kit Harington has ever done. Thanks to a Season 3 episode in which Thoros of Myr brought Beric Dondarrion back from the dead, we know that red priests (and presumably, priestesses) have the power of resurrection. So is this confirmation that Melisandre is going to revive Jon Snow, a theory fans have been proposing for the past year? I obviously don't know for sure, but it'd make so much sense.

Jumpman, Jumpman, Jumpman, Arya up to something, man.

More House Bolton at war scenes (note the Flayed Man sigil). I'm struggling to figure out who they're fighting against, but a clue might have been dropped in a subsequent scene. Stay tuned...

Cool! Gratuitous shots of lesbian love are still alive and well!

Another shot that makes me think Theon will escape to the Iron Islands in Season 6. This "pulls off hood to unveil face" is a classic "I'm back" move.

I tried identifying these two dudes by their armor, but so far I haven't been able to. As for the man with his back to us, doesn't he look a little like that one character who we thought was dead, but whose return has been rumored?

When we left him in Season 5, Tormund and his Wildling brothers were stationed at Castle Black. So what's Tormund doing here? Well, note House Bolton's Flayed Man on those shields to the right. As the Wildlings—and possibly the Night's Watch—head south to flee from the White Walkers, it appears they'll be bumping into House Bolton. If Tormund kills Ramsay I will be so pleased.

And we're back to Margaery, who appears to be supplicating to the High Sparrow. Does this mean she'll give in to the torture presumably inflicted on her? What will that mean for Tommen, and the crown in all? On the other hand, it's worth noting that this shot almost identically echoes one featuring Cersei from Season 5, so let's not jump to conclusions just yet.

Blind Arya. Oof. Looking pretty scary.

Yoooo it's lit—like I said, full-on civil war up in King's Landing. There will be blood. Thanks Tommen!

Pictured: Sansa, running from torture yet again. This girl cannot catch a break!

And here's the best, and second-most important, scene of the trailer. Obviously you remember the Night's King, the one who led a raid on Hardhome in Season 5 and then taunted the shit out of Jon Snow. The King (and what looks to be an army of White Walkers) running up on Bran Stark has huge implications to Game of Thrones's endgame. Bran is a character with immeasurable power, thanks to the gift of Sight that he has, which allows him to see into the past and future. It's a power that makes him valuable to both sides of the fight, and it looks like the Night's King wants to use him rather than kill him.

It also feels like there's an interesting connection to the Night's King and the Stark bloodline. That taunt towards Jon in "Hardhome" seemed to go way deeper than just one enemy showing up another. And it's curious here that the King would find himself toe to toe with another Stark. If you read more about the King here, you'll see why I'm so intrigued about the connection between him and the Starks.

Here's how the trailer ends, with Ser Davos picking up Jon Snow's Valyrian blade, standing over Snow's lifeless body, declaring, "I've never been much of a fighter. Apologies for what you're about to see," and unsheathing the sword. It's not immediately clear who Davos is going to use that sword on, but oh my god, please tell me he's going to massacre all of the Night's Watch.

That's it. I hope this helped recap some stuff for you, or got you thinking about the possible events to come. I also hope you haven't pulled your hair out in anger. Feel free to add your own theories and facts, and point out whatever I missed in the comments below.