20 LMAO Moments From #BlackTwitter This Week

Image via Complex Original

My talent would probably be ducking calls from Sallie Mae. Just kidding. Don't put this joke on my credit report, student lenders.

Shout out to Jenny McCarthy.

Before I finish laughing, let me just say that Musiq Soulchild claiming he's turning himself into a Autorun rapper 'cause R&B doesn't sell anymore says way more about him than R&B. Meanwhile, Frank Ocean, K. Michelle, Jhené Aiko, Jeremih, Miguel, and several others are too busy chuckling at Musiq sounding like one of the angrier cast members of R&B Divas.

I mean, maybe some women like dudes in heels. You know, like Prince. Or what's his name? Freddie Jackson? Stop laughing. He said he was straight on his episode of Unsung.

She told y'all.

My dude said Lolo Jones is out here twerking like the Tin Man. By the way, Lolo Jones: Your "I just got my ass booted from this show" speech was yet another reminder of why people absolutely hate your ass.

Adele is far more trill anyway.

Get it together, colored men in the NFL.

Ahem: "So let me get you in your birthday suit. It's time to bring out the big balloons. So let me get you in your birthday suit. It's time to bring out the big, big, big, big, big, big balloons."

As an original member of the #Beyhive, I can't say that I take issue with this. You don't talk about Blue Ivy's mama that way. Not now, not ever.

That's right, white folks: You can't just keep enjoying all the perks associated with Blackness and Black culture. Catch a few bullets, unlawful racial profiling, and a few harassing ass social media messages from racists. Let's start with Miley Cyrus and Iggy Azalea. I bet the latter would quickly start rapping like Crocodile Dundee if she got a taste of the other side.

Real. This is America, the land of Christopher Columbusing. Besides, Samsung, if you want a more contemporary example: We didn't like FeFe Dobson's look until Rihanna started rocking it in 2007. It's not right, but it's okay. I miss Whitney Houston. Carry on.

This is like saying most Blacks would prefer the macaroni and cheese made my somebody's Black grandmama as opposed to their white co-worker who loves to make shit out of the box. But thank you for playing, Captain Obvious.

Balance is beautiful.

Shout out to @UnaGotadeL1uvia, who astutely pointed out that red velvet is Black people's pumpkin spice.

This is rude as shit, but as someone who has been the victim of bad barbers, medication, and hateful ass bad genes, I can't deny the real in this tweet.

Follow up tweet: "But that's ok, Pussy Riot. Keep fucking around. Y'all can get y'all chains snatched, too. Nigga." Detroit natives are not amused, ladies.

Personally, I'd rather watch a stranger's colonoscopy than any of those shows Tyler Perry does for the OWN network, but I'm not married. We'll see how I change if I find myself married to someone with questionable taste.

My apologies if this is your cousin, but why is dusty denim putting her mid-section in the sleeper hold? Do I call the police? Do I call 911 and tell them there are some internal organs in danger? Do I just sit here, point and laugh? I need answers. And this young lady, she needs to stop playing and just take herself to the gym. But God bless.

On any given hour on Twitter, my timeline will talk about period sex, ass eating, or eating ass and having period sex at the same damn time (just let me have it). This time, it was the danger of letting dairy products sit on one's vagina for too long. Consider this a public service announcement. You're welcome.