Joffrey Baratheon, king of the seven realms of Westeros. Peter Campbell, account executive and partner in Sterling Cooper & Partners. Both are sniveling fuckboys in cushy position of power. Both have seized the monopoly on the Love-to-Hate TV watching effect numerous times during seasons of Game of Thrones and Mad Men, respectively. And starting tonight, both are back in our lives, on the same night, at the same time.
Now that they're both here to make our blood boil on Sunday nights again, it's time to settle the nagging question once and for all: Which one of these entitled smarmy pricks is really the absolute worst and deserves to fall down an empty elevator shaft or end up in a direwolf's jaws? Let's reflect on their fuckery and decide:
Responsibility in times of adversity: running out on your own war vs. trying to wash your hands of the side-piece after her man finds out and roughs her up.
Worse dude: Tie.
Joffrey more or less invited drama to his front door then ran out on all of his troops the millisecond shit got real, until Grandaddy Tywin showed up to claim the W. Ask him about the Battle of Blackwater today though, or Robb Stark for that matter, and the victory is all his.
Meanwhile, we understand the deny-til-you-die doctrine but Pete, when shorty's at your door face bloody, it's time to own up. Copping pleas is not only borderline evil, it's only digging you deeper with wifey, breh.
Brothel behavior: organizing prostitute death matches vs. catching your father-in-law in one.
Worse dude: Joffrey.
Pete is a faithless philanderer, but so is everyone else on Mad Men. Of course he runs into his father-in-law in the same brothel hallway. And while trying to use that as leverage was weak, it's not the same as forcing one prostitute to brutally maim and kill the other because a normal threesome just doesn't interest you. Joffrey B., only horny for torture.
Relationship with Mom: death threats vs. resigning her body to stay lost at sea.
Worse dude: Pete.
Joffrey's basically instilled the fear of the gods in his mom/aunt (maunt?) but considering her parentage shoulders a lot of the blame for the way he is, it's hard to feel sympathetic.
Pete's childhood sounds wack and loveless, to the point where he and his brother once joked about Rope when discussing her. But that doesn't really excuse letting her fall into the hands of con artist nurse Manolo and then not coughing up the dough to find her body after she "fell over" during a lovers cruise with him.
Weirdly-arousing weapon obsession: rifle vs crossbow.
Worst dude: Joffrey.
Because he actually kills things with his.
Run-ins with the fairer sex: killed a prostitute with said crossbow vs. assaulted the next-door au pair:
Worse dude: Tie.
Heinous as it is, killing Ros ranks low on the list of fuckshit perpetrated by King Joff. On the other hand "coercing" the German au pair next door to sleep with him because Trudy isn't around to keep him in line is one of Pete's ugliest moments.
Bonus: Which just-desserts GIF makes you crack the wider grin?
It was wild cathartic seeing Tyrion give Joffrey some palm even in the second episode of the series, before we even knew the extent of this little prick's awfulness. But by season two, even if Tyrion was wearing 10 rings, a backhand still wouldn't have measured up to what his nephew deserves. Meanwhile, Pete needs a good right cross every once in awhile when he gets out of pocket.
So there you have it, of course Joff B. is a bigger prick than Peter C. at the end of the day, but the margin doesn't seem so wide when side-by-side, does it?