Dallas Swonger wants the world to know that he did not urinate in the Portland reservoir—just near it.
Swonger, 18, has been accused of peeing in the reservoir, compromising 38 million gallons of treated water that had to be dumped as a result. His explanation is, um, eloquent. "I didn't piss in the fucking water," he told Vocativ. Teenagers.
Basically, the kid was skating with his friends and couldn't hold it any longer. "I was like, 'Dudes I have to piss so bad,'" he revealed. So I just went over to the wall [of the reservoir].I leaned up against the wall and pissed on it. Right there on the wall, dude. I don't know else how to describe it."
However, Portland officials say otherwise." When you see the video, he's leaning right up because he has to get his little wee wee right up to the iron bars," Davd Shaff, Portland Water Bureau administrator candidly said to the Oregonian.
Think what you want, but Swonger wants everyone to know that he regrets the entire ordeal. "It's no fuckin' joke, dude. I don't want people thinkin' that Dallas is dumb ass because he pissed in the fuckin' water. In our drinking water. Yeah, that's fucking awesome. I mean, wouldn't you be pissed about that?"
You see that? He has a conscience, people.