In the wacky world I live in, where real sports and video games fight like a hero and a level boss for my attention, I often blend the two worlds in embarrassing ways.
The latest example of this is an NBA 2K14 experiment involving the man, the movement, Jeremy Lin.
Dude is one of the most polarizing players in the NBA. He has his diehard fans and his detractors. I’m neither, but I will acknowledge, I’ve been taken to task after writing articles that criticized his play in the past. The criminally Linsane don’t take kindly to people who mention their main man’s shortcomings.
Lin is having a pretty decent season with the Houston Rockets. His 13.5 points and 4.4 assists per game have been enough to slap a muzzle on those who might want to take shots at Linsanity.
Because Lin has found his stride with the Rockets—and because I’m a little twisted—I decided to see how a team filled with Lin clones would do in a full NBA season. Jeremy is beside himself about the idea.
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NBA 2K14 on Xbox 360 was the game and console used for the simulation. Keep in mind, Lin is 6’3”, so the Linsane squad is setup for all types of issues in the paint. That said, they should have an advantage on the perimeter as lanky forwards and centers try to stay with the versions of Lin playing in the frontcourt.
I didn’t want to pigeon hole Lin to a real NBA squad. A team that includes a man and his 12 clones should at least be original. Lin went to Harvard and currently plays for the Rockets, so the Harvard Rockets seemed like an apt name for this freaky bunch. Take a look at this disturbing pre-game ritual.
There are a few slight differences with each version of Lin. One has high tube socks, another has pink Nikes and another has on a long-sleeved undershirt under his jersey.
I had to create some sort of way to tell them apart. As it turns out, wrist-wrap Jeremy was the best of his monozygotic brothers. He led the team in scoring during the season with an average of 13.7 points per game.
The season began on a sour note, though.
The home-standing Rockets lost to the Charlotte Bobcats 95-79. As would be the case, the little Linsters were smashed on the glass. Michael Jordan’s squad treated the clones like kid brothers and it led to a 44-29 edge on the boards. Check out Michael Kidd-Gilchrist punishing three Jeremys with this slam.
Wrist-wrap Jeremy did have 20 points in a losing cause, though. Here he is burying a three-pointer early in the game.
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The first two months of the season saw the clones fall 11 games under the .500 mark. While that would make them a strong contender for the playoffs in the real-life Eastern Conference, it’s not going to work in this world.
It became clear, this team was headed for a tough season.
In a game right before the All-Star break, the clones nearly pulled an upset at home against the Portland Trail Blazers, but the lack of size cost them again. LaMarcus Aldridge played big-boy ball and the Linsters couldn’t match up. Here Portland sends tube sock Jeremy to the floor.
With playoff chances long since faded away, the clones took on the Miami Heat in a late-season matchup for pride. LeBron James pimped one of the Jeremys on this baseline move.
The little fellas played their hearts out. Pink-shoes Jeremy almost messed around and got a triple-double. He had 10 points, nine rebounds and 11 assists to lead the Rockets to their biggest win of the season.
By season’s end, the All-Lin team was 30-52 and missed the playoffs. They were dead last in the NBA in field goal percentage, rebounds and next-to-last in blocked shots.
The next—or the first—time you hear someone say they wish they had a team full of Jeremy Lins, have them read this article.