The fact that the worst thing you will read on the Internet today comes courtesy of Fifty Shades of Grey isn't surprising—anyone who's read that book and remembers the tampon scene can attest to this—but the reasoning certainly is: According to The Cut, a group in Belgium decided to anaylze ten of the most checked out books from the Antwerp library, and check them for a myriad of bacteria and other gross things.
Firstly: The fact that Fifty Shades of Grey is one of the most checked out books at a library is a travesty, and an insult to literature as a whole. SIDE-EYE CHLOE IS SIDE-EYEING YOU, BELGIUM.
But that's not the worst part. When the results came in, all books were found to have traces of cocaine in them, which isn't surprising. The second thing they found, well...
They found that the copy of Fifty Shades of Grey they tested was infected with the herpes virus.
OH GOD, KILL IT. KILL IT WITH FIRE.
Apparently, the professors specified that the amount of herpes on the book was such a trace amount that it's impossible anyone would be infected, but still—STILL. The fact that herpes was found on a copy of Fifty Shades means terrible things that no one should have to think about, ever. Not safe for LIFE.
This news, combined with the report that booksellers have "mountains" of unrecyclable copies of Fifty Shades, makes it official: The entire human race buried under paper mountains of unrecyclable, herpes-infested copies of Fifty Shades of Grey is how the world is going to end. Sorry, everyone who hoped it would be a zombie attack.
[via The Cut]