Uncle Si (Duck Dynasty, A&E)
Duck Dynasty is an anomaly. Most reality shows reach success by showing their cast members as drunken messes with insanely bad tempers and a penchant for starting massive brawls. A&E’s Duck Dynasty, on the other hand, doesn’t have to, and it still manages to break ratings records.
How is this possible? Everything we’ve been shown up to this point has suggested that people just love to watch trainwrecks—that’s why even three years later, Alexis Neier’s drugged up, devastated call to Vanity Fair writer Nancy Jo Sales on E!’s now-canceled reality series Pretty Wild is still one of the most quoted scenes in reality show history. Duck Dynasty manages to hold more viewers, though, while retaining some quality and heart. That’s primarily due to this guy right up there.
Within a family that's lovable and simple, despite their massive wealth, Uncle Si routinely manages to steal every scene he’s in by demonstrating his famous “icy stare.” And say things like this: “Hey, look here, back in ’nam my icy stare became so famous, hey, I was approached by a professor in a wheelchair. He said something about I had X genes and introduced me to his friends. They was a bunch of weirdos.”
He's also prone to sharing some one-of-a-kind wisdom, like, “Hey, look here, you can’t be worried about an inch of fabric. Hey, there’s way more important things to worry about. Hey, Y2K, shark attack, lead paint, Dakota Fanning, smallpox, Woodstock, moonshot, Watergate, punk rock, rock and rollers, cola wars…” Something has always seemed off that about Fanning girl.