Cannibal appeal: Round and buttery, with the right lighting
Possible last day activity: Listening to his feelings
How good are their jokes?: Like a nourishing bowl of chunky soup
Potential attributes for fighting off danger: Crooning
Likelihood that they'll have drugs: Dude's got a record, so probably not
Verdict: Like how when you freeze to death you experience a moment of serene bliss before you go? Just like that.