You see those dark clouds? That's the almighty preparing to end it all. Why? Because Satan is winning. Because Dodgeball 2 is happening, a sequel that few sane people other than Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, and Justin Long, and their respective accountants want to see. He thought we'd finally be happy with Anchorman: The Legend Continues. Hollywood's greed just set G-O-D over the edge.
Let's cut Ben Stiller a little slack here, though—the underrated Greenberg didn't come out that long ago. Vince Vaughn, on the other hand, receives no pass. Here's some context. How much has the world changed since the last time Vaughn made a funny movie? For one, George W. Bush is no longer our country's president, Superman Returns star Brandon Routh is back to being a nobody, The Pussycat Dolls are now re-performing "Don't Cha" in dive bars throughout the United States, and Mischa Barton's career is a wrap. The year was 2006, the movie was The Break-Up, and little did we all know that Vaughn's once-appealing brand of middle-aged, smug-frat-boy comedy was about to become stale, lazy, and embarrassing. The Dilemma and Couples Retreat remain unforgivable.
Apparently Vaughn himself is finally cognizant of the fact that his chops are chop-suey—maybe he's also seen that trailer for his upcoming reunion with Wedding Crashers co-star Owen Wilson, this summer's The Internship, a "comedy" preview that's devoid of one single passable joke. The sad truth is that the days when guys like Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, and Owen Wilson made us laugh are long gone, lost somewhere with Nicole Scherzinger's solo singing career. Will Ferrell's sustainability is an anomaly, not a model.
The Devil is happy. Do us a solid at least, Lucifer, and turn off the lights sometime before June 7. This Dodgeball 2 news is soul-crushing enough—The Internship may damn well kill us.
Written by Matt Barone (@MBarone)