Typically, after you settle into your first New York apartment, you acquire a George Foreman grill, a Netflix account, and a cat, in that order. Not a cat person? You will be. Even the most passionate dog lovers have to admit that keeping a pooch in Gotham isn't feasible, if not downright impossible. Big dogs are too big for city apartments—imagine keeping a humpback whale in your swimming pool. Small dogs tend to bark incessantly, alerting your entire building that you own a dog but are too incompetent to train it right.

You might counter that you've seen dogs, even big ones, being walked all over the streets of New York. But you've got to remember that their owners are wealthier than you and have apartments with both ample space and natural light. You're going to have to settle for the detached, one-sided companionship of a tabby that may or may not hate you. Or you can get a pet snake, but do you really want to be that guy?