Strip club crimes have given us headlines both ridiculous (Couple Mistakes Police Station For Strip Club) and tragic (Man Paralyzed By Crazy Horse Too Bouncers).
Somewhere in between lies an amusing mass of crimes you might not have read about, and can't even understand. Yes, urinal slaughters and assault by breast milk can happen. No, we can't explain.
The following stories are some of the most outrageous crimes that have ever occurred within five feet of a stripper pole, including one that was eventually adjudicated on the People's Court by Ed Koch.
Think before you touch: The 15 Stupidest Strip Club Crimes.
Written by Bubbles Burbujas (@StripperTweets), a career stripper who hopes her boss doesn't find out about her writing work.
RELATED: The 50 Best Strip Clubs in America
RELATED: 25 Ridiculous Strip Club Signs
RELATED: Hot Strippers You Should Follow on Instagram
RELATED: The 10 Things Guys Should Know About Strip Club Etiquette
LIKE COMPLEX CITY GUIDE ON FACEBOOK
15. Urinal Fatally Shot
14. The Only Crack We Have Here Is Butt
13. Tax Evasion Via Tackle Box
12. Illegal Tender
11. Topless Latte
10. No Refunds When You Use Your Black Card, Either
Date: October 22, 2003
Savvis CEO Robert McCormick was sued by American Express for refusing to pay a tab from Scores, claiming it was grossly inflated. It was pretty big—six figures big. But, as Elisabeth Eaves pointed out, “A reasonably priced lap dance is not a right.”
9. Cleavage and Whiplash
Date: June 1998
Physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued a Clearwater, FL strip club, claiming that feature dancer Tawny Peaks gave him whiplash by motorboating him with her 69HH implants. The case was eventually adjudicated in Peaks' favor by Ed Koch on the People's Court.
8. “Twerk Doctor” Is Not A Medical Degree
Date: July 12, 2012
Kimberly Smedley gave illegal buttocks enhancement injections to strippers all across the East Coast, banking over a million dollars, in $500 to $600 increments. Dancers paid Smedley to inject them with non-medical grade silicone and Smedley would close injection sites with Super Glue. But when one of her “patients” fell ill and led investigators to Smedley, she was arrested and later sentenced to three years in prison.