25 Laughable Sex Scenes From Famous Male Novelists

From The Fermata

Author: Nicholson Baker
Participants: John Westman (the UPS Guy), Marian
Worst Line(s): "She held the hem of her skirt with her chin so that she could look down at her spread vadge. The road was pounding the Van Dilden's cockshape into her stinging cuntskin. She reached back and twisted the Fusilier in her ass. Her clit looked as if it were ready to jump up and propose a toast to old friends; the other end of the double-header was sitting solidly to one side of it, talking in the fast, even, confident nasty-rumor language that vibrators use with their clit-clients. She felt a gorgeous huge thick-muscled orgasm moving slowly up her legs and fanning out toward all orifices. She spat her skirt out. 'Pump the brake harder!' she commanded again. 'Oh shit! Oh God! That's it. Pump it. Brake, brake, brake. That's it, like that. FUCK ME WITH YOUR TRUCK! JACK THAT BIG UGLY DICK AND FUCK MY ASS WITH YOUR TRUCK!' "

Nicholson Baker: looks like Santa Claus, writes the most outrageous sex scenes. Try to reconcile these two things.

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